ARE YOU READY FOR DIVORCE?

By: Jeralyn L. Lawrence, Esq.
Norris McLaughlin & Marcus, P.A.

No doubt about it — divorce can be stressful. To help alleviate some of that stress, it is important to be prepared.

Perhaps most difficult is preparing emotionally. Both before and during the divorce process, surround yourself with a supportive team of family and friends who understand what you are going through, and love and support you unconditionally.

Consider working with a therapist in order to learn tools and coping mechanisms that will help get you through this trying time. If you have children, make sure they, too, have the therapeutic support they need. These experts can help with creative strategies and techniques that may be required to address questions and issues as they arise.

In addition, consult with a family law attorney to gain a better awareness of your legal rights and obligations during this transitory period. Educate yourself on your financial situation so that you can empower yourself and your attorney. Some of the most valuable information to use in preparing for your divorce is as follows:

1. Your and/or your spouse’s Social Security Earnings Statement. This is a concise snapshot of each party’s income and earning history;
2. The last 5 years of federal and state income tax returns and all W-2s, 1099s, Schedules, and K1s;
3. Copies of all current bank, brokerage and stock account statements;
4. A copy of your and/or your spouse’s Employee Benefit Manual. These often provide a detailed list of every benefit made available by an employer to its employees (i.e., health insurance, disability insurance, life insurance, 401(K), IRA, ESOPP, ESPP, pension information, and the like);
5. If a pension exists, documentation from the Plan Administrator identifying the nature of the pension, the benefits, the specifications, and a form Domestic Relations Order required to divide the pension;
6. Copies of any other defined benefit and defined contribution retirement account statements (i.e., IRAs, 401K, 403(b), TIAA);
7. Copies of all the children’s savings accounts, 529 Plans, savings bonds, etc.;
8. Documentation to prove the existence of any other assets (i.e., Kelley Blue Book values of vehicles, appraisals of real or personal property, estate planning documents, trusts, etc.);
9. Inventory any safe or safe deposit box. You should make videos and photograph all items they contain, and safeguard any item you cannot afford to lose;
10. Inventory any gift cards accumulated by either you or your spouse. These could amount to significant assets;
11. Obtain copies of your credit report;
12. Obtain copies of credit card statements to show debt and charges. Year-end summaries are extremely helpful;
13. Consider obtaining credit cards in your own name;
14. Consider establishing and opening your own bank account;
15. Inventory artwork, wine collections, furniture, furnishings, jewelry, sentimental property, or other valuables. You should also make videos and take photographs of these items as well;
16. Obtain records of your frequent flyer miles and credit card rewards;
17. If you are under your spouse’s health insurance policy, this coverage will no longer be an option post-divorce. Explore obtaining and maintaining your own health insurance. Gather information about insurance policies available to you (i.e. medical, dental, vision, prescription drug, life, homeowner’s, disability, etc.);
18. If you are aware of a Health Savings Account in your spouse’s name, obtain as much information as possible about it;
19. Obtain current mortgage statements. If there is an open line of credit, contact your bank to ask that they require dual signatures before anyone can access the line. If you think your spouse will invade and dissipate the line of credit, you might consider closing the line or suspending it;
20. Obtain your and your spouse’s last 3 paystubs;
21. Obtain all documents that might be helpful in assessing the value of any businesses, partnerships, or business interests;
22. If you are claiming an asset is premarital or inherited, and therefore is not subject to equitable distribution, the burden of proof is yours. Compile all documents necessary so show its immune status;
23. Keep a journal of custody and parenting time issues and/or concerns; and
24. Monitor and be mindful of your, your spouse’s, and your children’s social media accounts.

I always ask my clients for their wish list as to where they want to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually in a year following the divorce. This helps me develop a strategy in working to achieve their goal. As I review their wish list, the documents I may need may change. Each divorce is unique, and each couple’s individual facts and circumstances combine to determine the outcome of a divorce. Being prepared to address the divorce comprehensively and holistically will help alleviate unnecessary stress and worry throughout the process.