The Connections Bernards Ridge Edition April/May 2021

theconnectionsnj.com HEALTH & WELLNESS PAGE 28 As many of your children are becoming teenagers and young adults, there is often a difference between their idea of the post high school path they would like to take and the path you think they should follow. Not only may you disagree with what they want to do after high school, you may believe that the path they are choosing will undoubtedly result in failure. Differences of opinion often include whether or not they should go to college, trade school, a performing arts school, pursue a music career, or even be a professional vid- eo game player. There are also often disputes over which major they should pursue while in college. It is important that you understand the dynamics involved in this difference of opinion between what your son or daughter wants to do and what you believe would be their best path. First, understand that their psychosocial developmental task is to further crystallize their identity. They are search- ing for who they are now and who they will be in adulthood. In some ways, they view this decision as permanent. That whatever they choose now will be written in stone forever. This creates a semblance of des- peration and pressure for them. Of course, we know that is false. Many of you have undoubt- edly changed your own career course. But they may not have the maturational level to see all of the factors involved in pursuing the next stage of their life. They just don’t know what they don’t know. On the other hand, they have dreams and hopes that they believe are attainable and consistent with how they see themselves. Parents also have a variety of issues asso- ciated with how you experience this con ict with your teen or young adult. The following may be your conscious and subconscious mo- tivations for disagreeing with them. • You have the advantage of being more ex- perienced in life and being able to see the unrealistic potential of attaining their goal • Based on their strengths and weaknesses it is unrealistic for them to attain their goal • You may be trying to protect them from their inevitable failure, hurt and rejection they will, in your opinion, experience if they pursue the path in which they want to embark • Consciously, or unconsciously, you want to steer them in your career path, following in your footsteps • Your own unhappiness in your career caus- es you to steer them away from your ca- reer choice • Your motivation may be a vicarious one ful lling your own unmet dreams. It is im- portant that you examine your own moti- vations for disagreeing with their desires. Equally important, is to understand how to handle the disagreement. It is a delicate issue because you want to provide them your wisdom, but you do not want to squelch their dreams outright. In fact, it is some- times prudent to allow them to actively pursue their inter- est, with the caveat of simul- taneously pursuing a “Plan B.” Sometimes letting it take its course ends up with either their success, or their own decision not to pursue. Case in point, the parents of one rapper high school patient of mine did not place any roadblocks in his music pursuit. In the end, he entered his father’s business. Al- lowing them to pursue their dreams, within reason, will also prevent regrets later in life, or resentment toward you for not allowing them to do so. More speci cally, you can: • Ask them challenging questions to get them to think about it in different ways • Avoid judgment and criticism • Avoid pressuring them • Avoid explicitly telling them what to do or what not to do • Express your worries with your partner, friends, family members, not your child • Consider the fact that it is a different world than the one you grew up in. The eld they are choosing to pursue may be alien to you, but relevant to them. If you are encountering this type of worry with your youngster, keep in mind that time and guidance, not insistence, usually ameliorates it. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Hap- piness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). M T M It is important that you understand the dynamics involved in this difference of opinion between what your son or daughter wants to do and what you believe would be their best path. If you are encountering this type of worry with your youngster, keep in mind that time and guidance, not insistence, usually ameliorates it. Dr. Michael Osit YOU WANT TO DO WHAT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL? Free Delivery on OTC and Prescriptions PPE Supplies: Masks, Wipes, Gloves, Disinfectant & other products Rx Savings Review - Finding Ways to Save Money on Prescriptions Over-the-Counter Supplies Hours: Mon-Sat 9:00-5:00 • Closed Sunday TEL/TEXT Valid thru May 31st FREE ONLINE SHOPPING www.bedsrx.com BARBER SHOP FAMILY HAIRCUTTERS 95 MAIN STREET PEAPACK, NJ 07977 908-234-1971 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK WWW.CONNIESBARBERSHOP.COM Schedule Your Appointments ONLINE! 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