The Connections Bernards Ridge Edition April 2020

A few months ago we lost our neph- ew to a dreaded disease, very swiftly and with no knowledge of what was to come. Initially, we were told he would be treated and enter into remission, where additional treatment would fol- low. His life would certainly change, and he would never be cured, but he would be treated as necessary, and we were hopeful. Why wouldn’t we be? He had not been sick, as far as we knew, until that fateful day, and prior to that, had been a healthy 39 year old. There was no reason to question the physicians; they had so much experience with that disease, and we, thankfully, had none. Adam’s story did not go as expected, and within those three weeks of hospitaliza- tion, he was moved from ICU to Oncology, back to ICU and then Palliative Care took over. It was an excruciating time for all of us, and then that part was over. Three weeks of hoping and then the reality... my sister, Michele, and brother-in-law, Ira, lost their only son, their only child, and the pain had only begun. Needless to say, our family is not alone in dealing with grief, as we all know! At the hospital each day we saw fear, determination, acceptance, and in some, recovery. Family members hugged, clung to each other, wailed in agony or tried to calm one another. Some fought with each other, probably as they had when they were children, and felt one received more love from a parent, perhaps one who was in ICU. Emotions certainly run high when some- one is sick, and the unknown threatens us as little else can. I tell you this because over these past months of mourning and griev- ing I have become aware that there is an expectation that a timetable exists, and then it is time to move past the grief. No, this is not spoken, written or discussed, it is simply that we live in a “move on” world. Just look at news cy- cles and how they grip us for a period of time, and then release us as a new “breaking news ash” appears on our screen. But real life suffering is not like that, there is no change of focus, no other screen to capture our attention. The world is not a friendly place when one is suffering. People are in- volved in their own stories and often times, things are said or done that seem in- sensitive. I believe it is often the one whose world has been turned upside down by trag- edy that must close their eyes to the in- advertent hurts, because the energy wasted trying to sensitize others is too great, at a time when there is little left to waste. My heart lls with sadness and sym- pathy not only for my sister and broth- er-in-law (who truly is as close as any brother) but for all of those who suffer loss. I want to envelop them in my arms and protect them from the pain, the anguish and the nality of all of it. But we mere mortals are incapable of such monumental tasks, so we have other ways of support. A kind word, a spe- cial hug, a caring token, written note or photo of the one lost can all change the direction of what must look like an insurmountably long day or night. We may not have magical powers, but we all have the power to create some mag- ic with our kindness and love. GRIEF HAS NO SCHEDULE By Ellyn Mantell Emotions certainly run high when someone is sick, and the unknown threatens us as little else can. S ǭǛƯƹ ǿǎ L Ǜǎƹ PAGE 16 summer programs 2020 www.theconnectionsnj.com Recipe Book Deals & Steals Business Directory Online Ads Blog The Piano Workshop at Chester SUPER COOL WITH KIDS 415 State Route 24, Suite B, Chester 908-955-3022 www.thepianoworkshopatchester.com director@thepianoworkshopatchester.com Director: Mark Weisman • Private Lessons in Piano, Guitar, Voice, Violin & Woodwinds • In-Home Lessons Available FIRST LESSON FREE TRIAL All of our teachers have degrees in music or education related fields. We match students to the right teachers based on skill level, objectives & learning styles. We support National Piano Guild, Music Educators of NJ, MusicFest, Russian Piano Competition, Mid Atlantic Music Teachers Guild and Jazz Foundation of America. Enroll Now for Summer 2020 Now Offering Violin Lessons! Summer Theater Program Starting July 10th www.theconnectionsnj.com