The Connection Magazines Bernards-Ridge Edition Feb-March 2021

THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION PAGE 26 As I think about the past several months, I am assuming that the Covid-19 pandemic will give rise to a greater need for groups than ever Support Groups may just become as commonplace for us as calling friends. In fact, they may provide an even stronger connection since kindred people speak a familiar language others cannot. THE NEED FOR SUPPORT GROUPS IS GREATER THAN EVER! By Ellyn Mantell S lice of L ife There are support groups for many is- sues, but until I, myself, was in need, I nev- er gave much thought to what they can provide. We have watched television and movies bring us into these groups, and they seem to have merit, but I have learned they can be a lifesaver, or at the very least, a way to begin to live a life. Years ago, a friend told me that although she was diagnosed with a potentially deadly disease, she wasn’t someone who was go- ing to get involved with meeting others like her, or dwelling in the fear of her situation. At the time, although I wasn’t my healthiest, there was no support group or group of any type that would provide me an opportunity to know how others that may be like me, were coping. I craved meeting others with similar issues, and understanding their coping skills. I want- ed someone to tell me that they had been where I was, and it would be alright. When I had my ileostomy 6 years ago, I finally had an identity, and that brought with it the ability to attend Ostomy Support Group meetings, which helped me heal, and begin my transition to a better life. What has become more apparent to me, since I am now a facilitator for three Osto- my Support Groups, is that not only do we meet “our people,” but we learn so much from anecdotal information, and that is an incredible asset. Regardless of the type of issue in which we are getting support, there is so much to learn, to share for the patient and family. Particularly in medical or health-related situations, doctors and their staff can pro- vide valuable direction based on their spe- cific knowledge of the illness and the body. But living with any medical or health-relat- ed situation creates questions that may not necessarily even be known by the medical community. In fact, our groups have edu- cated and informed the medical commu- nity in ways that are invaluable, and phy- sicians have told me that what they have learned from speaking to us, has changed their entire perspective on the surgery they perform. They have shared that they admire how resilient and informed we are about our bodies and our needs, which makes me so proud. Support Groups often give an ear to the suffering of the family, those who love a patient, or one who is dealing with var- ious challenges. Anything that interrupts the homeostasis of our lives can throw off a delicate balance, and who better to deal with putting things back on track than others who have walked in those same shoes. As I think about the past several months, I am as- suming that the Covid-19 pandemic will give rise to a greater need for groups than ever. There are those who live in fear; those who have lost loved ones; those who have lost income, jobs and their iden- tity; those who have lived in solitude for so long, they have become unable to transition to finding their way back to their “normal” life; our children have suffered and feel iso- lated; and the list goes on and on. Support Groups may just become as commonplace for us as calling friends. In fact, they may provide an even stronger connection since kindred people speak a familiar language others cannot. As much as we are all feeling similarly, we are also unique and complex. New mem- bers are frightened and worried, hesitant to walk through a new door, and are filled with misconceptions, and may feel pow- erless and “less than.” Letting someone know “it will be alright” because we have all been through it, is invaluable. And most importantly, in my groups we welcome each new member with open arms and an open heart. I meet new members in the entrance wearing a flower on my dress, ostensibly so they can identify me. But it is for an even deeper reason I wear my flowers, and that is because for the decades I was battling my own situation, I received countless flowers, and they brightened my world…I want to do the same for others. That and a smile go a long way to helping new members relax and feel they have found their home. 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