The Connections Bernards-Ridge June 2019

PAGE 10 THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION JUNE/JULY/AUGUST 2019 FAIRFIELD, NJ BERNARDSVILLE, NJ 973.808.1267 908.953.9990 MedTile.com NOW OFFERING NATURAL STONE SLABS Appreciation By: Ellyn Mantell Ah, the double-edge sword of aging...on one hand, wrinkles, grays, aches and pains! And on the other, the wisdom gained as the decades pass, providing us, if we are interested in noting it, with an awareness that is invaluable. Lately, I have become more focused on what is ahead of me, than what has passed, since what I am becoming is, hopefully, the best I can be, what the years of practice have taught me! As I reflect upon any given day at its end, there is a word that continues to sit front and center in my mind, resonating as no other, APPRECIATION . There seems to be no end of it for me as I look at all I know, and hope to know. Hard work, joy- ful moments, family and friends all dance through my awareness week in and week out. Of course, there are frustrations, negative thoughts and aggravations, but by and large, APPRECIATION is what spells its name as I fall asleep at night. A few days ago I was having a conversation with a man I had just met. He was absolutely amazed that my husband, Bruce, and I have known each other since I was just 14 years old. “I have loved him every day of my life since then,” I declared. “We are married 47 years and are still best friends.” Incredulous, he told me he is married for 20 years. “What is your secret, because I don’t find marriage easy?” he asked. I agree that marriage isn’t easy, what of importance is? Yet with- out skipping a beat, my answer was “ APPRECIATION . We appreciate each other very much, and that is an incredible accomplishment.” “What an interesting choice of words,” he said. Yes, I believe it is an accomplishment, which not every- one is able to achieve. But as I walked away, I realized that although I have always loved Bruce, I didn’t always feel appreciative, life being as demanding as it is. In reality, who had time to be appreciative when I was a full-time working mom, raising two busy growing daughters, a home, social demands, etc.? No, I believe my appreciation for my husband and what we have created came much later in life. And I believe I am truly a better wife, to a truly better husband as the years pass. I have come to look at our marriage as our gateway to the positive, and a part- nership that brings us great pride and joy. Talking through our anger, rather than looking at a transgression as an attack; pointing out and then turning our cheek when one has been insensitive to the other, rather than dwelling in the disap- pointment; recognizing that although we are one unit in our hearts, we are individuals in the world; and most importantly, taking responsibility for our actions and sincerely apologizing, as the years go by, has certainly bolstered our recogni- tion and appreciation for each other. All of this does take work...it isn’t easy. Unfortunately, we live in a “throw-away” society, and as such, not only do we divest ourselves of family treasures when we have no interest or room for them, I fear we throw away our relationships as readily. No longer living in a true neigh- borhood where everyone depends upon and supports each other, we are tran- sient, mobile and ready to move on. We do not have to make relationships last, since tomorrow our job or our interest may send us to another state or country. But I challenge you to look at your relationships and to cherish, nurture and groom them. That may mean turning your cheek, accepting what may be the best someone is able to provide, looking at a transgression as a mistake or lapse of judgment, finding the good. It may mean identifying your own responsibility and turning a negative into a positive. Sometimes a loving touch or a few words of adoration provide more comfort than imaginable. Certainly, as the years pass, the good will you both have created and stored is like money in the bank, to be used when necessary. In any event, if you can find a way of appreciating what you have in your relationship, and how much it truly means to you, perhaps you will be able to look ahead, and attain just what you want. www.theconnectionsnj.com