The Connections Bernard's Ridge Edition November 2021 - January 2022

THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION PAGE 32 NOV 2021 - JAN 2022 theconnectionsnj.com If you need a tire that provides improved fuel efficiency, long tread life, and a quiet and comfortable ride, then the CrossContact™ LX25 with EcoPlus™ Technology is For What You Do. This second-generation premium SUV and CUV all-season tire delivers excellent wet braking, reduced noise, and snow performance. They were all around us as we traversed the rooms and closets of our home in preparation for our move, timely based due to our age and stage of life. The roads all led to quiet thoughts, star- tling moments, losses and shared joy. Every turn I made led me to another long-forgotten experi- ence, another layer of life stored remotely in the panoply of circumstances I foolishly tried to recre- ate in my mind, lock in the memory patterns so as not to forget once again. Meeting my memories for the second time was disconcerting, and I was eager to understand my emotions. I had loved so many of the experiences along the way, treasured the ability to reflect on how they fit into our pres- ent-day life, and yet, there was that sense, which whirled around me as if an aura that something was troubling. Building our dream house when we were in our 30s was so much a stretch that we almost had to pinch ourselves. Our parents thought us fool- ish, destined for disaster because we would be unable to make the mortgage payments, reach- ing for the stars that would fall from the sky on our heads, which they believed were in the clouds. But we had confidence in our ability to work hard, together, to create the family lifestyle we desired, and that we did, more than we ever imagined necessary, or perhaps, even possible. But we had our goals, and those goals were tough taskmas- ters. Of course, as we attained each, another ar- rived in its place. Upon reflection, did I miss the enjoyment that should have come with each ex- citing step up the ladder? The items in my hands being placed in packing boxes remind me there were so many good times, but I think about all the important decisions we made upon moving in…who will plow the snow, mow the lawn, seed the grass? This dream home, our own Tudor castle, com- plete with authentic-looking weeping mortar and bird holes was built in our beautiful Watchung mountains in the early 1980s. Our daughters, Al- lison and Emily grew to be beautiful and amazing young ladies in this castle of ours, and we would like to think we gave them a strong sense of their capabilities and empowered them to follow their dreams. While I was guiding them, however, did I miss being with them in the process? They are great mothers, and I love watching them enjoy their children, but I wonder if I enjoyed them as much, did I allow myself to stay in the moments with them? I feel melancholy spilling over me as we cleaned and cleared each room. Certainly, we will be moving to a place where we will take our love and our life with us. There is every reason to believe many wonderful days are ahead. And yet, that heavy shroud of intan- gible gloom lurked behind my eyes, exhausting me with the effort of the move. And then it hit me that the last time we moved, we were so young, with an entire life ahead of us, and with two young daughters who were equally filled with excitement. It was an incredible adventure we were sharing. Now, our move will be one of living in less space, no need for a big backyard, no need to question who will plow the snow or mow the lawn. Those will be issues not of our concern, but of the management of the community. In preparation, the decision to take or leave the myriad of items that require attention feels almost crippling! And yet, the positive part of my mind is telling me there will be a sense of rebirth and renewed energy as those decisions are made. We never needed that wine coaster that seemed so critical for a dinner party decades ago, nor did we need 48 corn holders for a barbecue that La- bor Day. But at that time, they defined us as a couple, silly as it now seems, we wanted to make people feel comfortable, desired in our lives, and that was a way of showing it. Those items will live their next life helping oth- ers feel comfortable. We are no longer in need of defining ourselves in that way. We will have to depend upon our interest in others, our warmth, and our personalities to make social connections wherever we find ourselves. Like others of our age, we bring life’s experiences to share and are grateful to be able to do so. I feel my melancholy lift as I identify where I am going, even if at this moment, I am not certain; and I am so grateful that we will be able to go there together. But we had our goals, and those goals were tough taskmasters. Of course, as we attained each, another arrived in its place. Upon reflection, did I miss the enjoyment that should have come with each exciting step up the ladder? We will have to depend upon our interest in others, our warmth and personalities to make social connections wherever we find ourselves. Like others of our age, we bring life’s experiences to share, and are grateful to be able to do so. PREPARING TO CREATE NEW MEMORIES BRINGS BACK SO MANY FROM THE PAST S lice of L ife By Ellyn Mantell