The Connections Bridgewater Somerville Edition April/May 2021

theconnectionsnj.com HEALTH & WELLNESS PAGE 20 Let's Support our LOCAL Businesses! Remember, they GIVE you: PERSONALIZED SERVICE FRIENDLY SMILES SPONSOR LOCAL EVENTS theconnectionsnj.com With age comes wisdom, I am told. And I would like to believe it to be true. After all, that which disappears with the years, must surely be balanced by all that is gained. The wonderful author, Pat Conroy voiced it so well in his novel, Prince of Tides when he spoke of his daugh- ters ripening like peaches as he felt himself withering with the passage of time. Now that my grandchildren are blossoming, I am more generations removed from the bloom of youth. But please do not think I am lamenting or sad- dened. In fact, I am challenged and excited by the ability tomake a difference in this world, and without the ability to grow as I believe I have, I would not be able to accomplish this goal, to truly make the difference I wish to make. When we are young and creating our futures, we are always looking forward. “I will soon be out of high school, and then my life will begin.” “I will soon graduate college and get my rst real job, and then my life will begin.” “Be- fore long, I will move from this job to another more lucrative, more ful lling job, and my life will really begin.” And on and on, always looking for life to begin. It is not surprising that we miss the years when we are ripening like peaches, because we are caught in the desire to keep moving ahead. As a woman who has the bene t of look- ing back, I realize that the difference I thought I would make, took so much of my focus, that I neglected to think about what was around me. I wanted to be a good mom, wife, daugh- ter/daughter in-law, sister/sister in-law, friend, Speech Therapist, trainer, be in the best phys- ical shape possible, and the list goes on. What I want now is to support, encourage, love, make life better for others, bask in the glow of rela- tionships. I want to own my ability to do all of this, and know that it is the reward for growing emotionally over these years. I recently read a quote from an unknown source that said,” The purpose of life is to know yourself, and love yourself, and trust yourself and be yourself.” How fortunate for me to have seen something that so succinctly summed up my heart. I have come to know myself. I can acknowledge my attributes and my faults, since they are part of the seesaw of life. No sooner have I done something that lls me with pride, then I may do something that has me question my intention. I have learned that is the human condition, and it is better to be aware of both sides of the coin, than assume it is others who are at fault. I am able to own the best of myself, and that which needs more growth. When I was young, I assumed that it was conceit and hubris that would allow someone to love themselves. “Who would say they love them- selves?” I thought. “Only someone very high on them- selves,” was my mental re- sponse. But I have come to understand that loving oneself is necessary in order to love others. We must feel love in order to offer it. We must know ourselves, know we are ful lled in order to provide for those meaning- ful to us. It is a gift we give, not just to others, but to our- selves as we build upon the foundation we were given as children. Trusting ourselves comes from knowing we will make choices that bene t us, and provide the positive emotions that come from these good choices. If we have to wonder if some- thing is right for us, it probably isn’t. Knowing and loving ourselves enough to trust ourselves takes some work, some inner conversation, some self-reliance. The more we practice it, the better we become at it. Being ourselves is perhaps the gift of grow- ing that continues to give back to us throughout our lives. There is nothing more humbling, and at the same time, more expansive, than being who we truly are, and not who we believe others want us to be. The aging process challenges us to keep up, but in reality, when we are most true to ourselves, our challenge is to know when it is time to let go. There is a great reward in saying, “enough, I will be okay doing it my way.” The peace I feel knowing the difference I make now is right for me, lls me with promise. I am not chasing what I thought I should do…I am doing what I know I want to do, and that helps me make the greatest difference. What I want now is to support, encourage, love, make life better for others, bask in the glow of relationships. I want to own my ability to do all of this, and know that it is the reward for growing emotionally over these years. When we are young and creating our futures, we are always looking forward. MAKING A DIFFERENCE S L By Ellyn Mantell