theconnectionsnj.com HEALTH & WELLNESS PAGE 38 • Healthy Nutrition • Healthy Movement (Exercise) • Healthy Mindset • Healthy Relationships • Healthy Environment Certified Wholistic Health & Purpose Development Coach Living Your Life Purposefully! Karen A. Scott 908-432-1065 sharingthevision@aol.com coachkarenascott.com @coachkarenscott holidays The Connection Magazines' NOV-DEC-JAN 2022-23 NEXT ISSUE 908-903-1799 info@theconnectionsnj.com theconnectionsnj.com Advertising Deadline: October 10th, 2022 Medicare Solutions Medicare Plans from DĂƌŐŽƚ͛Ɛ DĞĚŝĐĂƌĞ ^ŽůƵƟŽŶƐ For better or for worse, whether you like it or not, your children will imitate you. As if that is not enough, you are a model for them to copy often without them or you realizing it. Modeling behaviors can be obvious, but they can also be subtle. Either way, your children will copy and adopt your voice intonations, verbal expressions, quirky mannerisms, behavior patterns, values, attitudes, work ethic, money management, and even the way you walk. This subconscious imprinting is both powerful and scary if you think about all of the things you do to demonstrate positive and negative modeling. Your behavior, that they are always watching, is extremely powerful and impactful. It can also be underestimated and unnoticed by you. There are some fundamental positive modeling behaviors to try to show your children such as: • Treat others with care and consideration • Show respect for bodies, feelings, time, and possessions • Demonstrate a positive work ethic • Maintain effective organizational skills • You are human and can make mistakes • Display effective problem-solving strategies when encountering a roadblock or problem • Maintain strong convictions even when it is unpopular • Exhibit flexibility and understanding when working with others • Manage responsibilities • Respect rules of society • Know when to handle something on your own and when to ask for help The following are examples of some subtle modeling behavior that you may exhibit for your children, but never thought about how they might be imitating the negative or inappropriate messages to your children: • Treat family members or even strangers (e.g. cashiers) disrespectfully using a tone of voice, foul language, raised volume, or become easily annoyed • Stare at your cell phone, tablet, computer while your child is speaking to you • Bring your cell phone to the table and/or talk or text during dinner • Text while driving • Talk on your mobile device while driving without using Bluetooth • Take your 15 year old to an “R” rated movie, buy a ticket for yourself, then leave • Lie about your child’s age to get them on a carnival ride or to pay for a less expensive ski lift ticket • Provide alcohol for your teenager’s party • Drive when you have consumed alcohol • Fail to clean up after yourself around the house • Call in sick for work when you are not really sick This is certainly not an exhaustive list of positive and subtly inappropriate modeling behavior. You should add to your own list by observing yourself and what you are obviously and subtly exhibiting to your children for them to emulate. You will need to pay close attention to yourself because many inappropriate modeling behaviors are automatic and not within your immediate awareness. An even better way to help yourself present as a better model for your children is to closely watch their behavior in terms of how they speak to and treat others, manage their time, and show respect for themselves and the rules of the family and society. You might find that you are looking in the mirror. Talking directly to your children about the “dos” and “don’ts” in life is certainly effective and necessary. But realize that your actions do speak louder than your words. And, always remember the old “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” syndrome. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). MIND THE MIND This is certainly not an exhaustive list of positive and subtly inappropriate modeling behavior. You should add to your own list by observing yourself and what you are obviously and subtly exhibiting to your children for them to emulate. By Dr. Michael Osit Parent Modeling: Kids Copy Parents
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