The Connection Warren-Watchung Edition Apr/May 2019

www.theconnectionsnj.com PUT YOUR SKIN IN THE RIGHT HANDS S E R V I C E S WE O F F E R Cosmetic Dermatology • Botox • Brown Spot Removal Chemical Peel • Dysport • Facials • Filler • Hair Loss Hyperhidrosis • Photo Rejuvenation • Laser Skin Treatment • Kybella Laser Hair Removal • Microdermabrasion • Micro-Needling (CIT) Restylane • Sclerotherapy • Ultherapy • General Dermatology Skin Cancer Prevention & Treatment • Cancer Screenings Mohs Surgery • AND MUCH MORE 240 East Grove Street • Westfield, NJ 07090 P: 908-232-6446 • F: 908-232-6447 www.SkinandLaserCenter.com Sabatino Ciatti, MD, FAAD, FACMS Specializing in Mohs Micrographic Surgery & Cosmetic Dermatology Y elling is the most commonly used form o f discipline with teenagers. It is also p robably the most ineffective form of d iscipline because it hardly ever c hanges your child’s behavior. They sim- p ly become immune to your elevated v olume and emphatic tone of voice to t he point where it becomes almost white noise meaningless. Yelling is only e ffective when it is used rarely and judi- c iously, which most parents do not do. If you are the parent of a teenager, it is li kely that you yell or even scream at t hem. Does this sound like you? Turn that video game off!! Get ready for bed!! C’mon, get up and get ready for school!! Leave your sister alone!! If you don’t put that phone down I will take it away!! I n some way, either directly or indirect- l y, all of the above yelling commands, a nd the countless others you may find y ourself repeating to your teenager, has a link to a screen. According to the lat- e st research, teenagers are now spend- i ng more than 9 hours a day in front of s creens. If you parcel out the amount of ti me they are sleeping, that calculates t o more than half of their waking life. V ideo game play, cell phone use, Y ouTube watching, and general device u se has turned your teenager into a S creenager. And that has transformed y ou into a ScreamParent. It is either an e xcessive amount of time on screens, s creen use interfering with homework o r chores, screens keeping them up at n ight causing difficulty getting ready for s chool in the morning, begging you for s creen time, or even thinking about t heir cell phone or video game even when they are not in front of the d evice. FOMO (fear of missing out) is a v ery real thing when it comes to S creenagers. Their minds are on the t exts, social media posts, or what their f riends are doing on Fortnite even when they are not able to use their d evices. Your yelling is ridiculously los- i ng the competition for their need for s creens. So instead of yelling, try doing t he following: • At a calm time, when you see that periodic window that your Screenag- er is receptive to discussion, present the repeated behavioral issue you are having with him or her. Remain calm and let them know, in a positive way, how you want them to improve. • Maintain your own attitude, and communicate it to them, that their cell phones, iPads, video game sys- tem, and computer are not rights, they are privileges. And with all priv- ileges, if they are not handled responsibly and maturely, they are taken away. • Set clear limits in terms of when and how long they are permitted to use their devices. Remain firm with that structure and outline the conse- quences if they do not comply. • With the structure in place, use the baseball method of “3 strikes and you‘re out.” That is, make your request to have them do, or stop doing, something. After a minute or two, tell them that “this is the sec- ond time I am asking you to (identify request again), if I have to ask you a third time you will lose your phone, video game time, screen time, etc. for one day. After another minute or two, simply inform them, without yelling, that they lost their privilege and then just walk away without fur- ther discussion. • Once they are consistently complying with your rules, once in a while, give them extra screen time letting them know how much you appreciate how cooperative they have been with their screens. • Model appropriate screen behavior. That is, do not text while driving, check your phone at dinner when there is a no cell phone rule at dinner, use your phone excessively, look at your phone when they are speaking to you, etc. These fundamental disciplinary strate- gies will help you reduce the frequency of your yelling. Always remember that the evidence of your good parenting will not be apparent until your kids are much older. You may feel frustrated or that they are not hearing what you are saying, but it becomes evident, usually in their low 20s that they really did hear you. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist prac- ticing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). SCREENAGERS AND SCREAMPARENTS By: Dr. Michael Osit PAGE 28 Health & Wellness