The Connections Warren Watchung Edition Feb-March 2021

theconnectionsnj.com HEALTH & WELLNESS PAGE 44 WINTER SPECIAL Implant Crown & Abutment $2000 (per tooth) 752 Mountain Boulevard • Watchung, NJ 07069 Stephen Szczubelek, Mgr. NJ Lic. No. #4446 908-756-0017 www.HigginsFuneralHome.com established 1868 There are things that happen in our lives that make us feel out of control and powerless. We often feel like vic- tims to these events, situations, or peo- ple. Undoubtedly, many of these events, situations, and people feel like they are controlling us and preventing our happi- ness. This is rarely the actual truth. Tak- ing control over the things in your life, as well as taking control over yourself, can be extremely powerful. Control is power, but it is the type of power that gives you freedom. Freedom from anxiety, angst, anger, depression and frustration. It gives you freedom to stop feel- ing like you are a victim and that “bad” things are happening to you. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” Things happen to us, and we make things happen to us. We make choices and decide how to respond to life events and other people. Feeling helpless is un- healthy but it is ironically, almost never the case. Walt Disney referenced this con- cept when he talked about the fact that you are correct whether you say you can’t or you can. Think about that. Positive and significant changes can occur in your life once you subscribe to the idea that you have the power over your life instead of lamenting over the things you have no control over. The first thing you need to do is identify what you do have control over and what you do not. Of course, there are things and people we cannot control, however, we do have control over how we react or respond to them. Once you have iden- tified who and what are not possible to control, you need to cognitively surren- der to that instead of fighting it, and then emotionally accept it. Cognitively and emotionally accepting what we cannot do anything about can be quite freeing. It doesn’t change the situation but it does change your thinking and feelings so that they are not so negative. Focusing on the things you can control means making changes. This often means that you have to stop accepting how someone is treating you, or how you are treating yourself. Chris Brogan said it well when he said, “Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you are not on the right path, get off it.” Making changes means making choices and making decisions-sometimes difficult ones. This needs to be done with a goal in mind. But like my football coach used to always say, “A goal without a plan is not a goal-it is a wish.” (I’ve never used so many quotes in these articles, but I have chosen to do so in this one.). So, once you have a goal in mind to make chang- es, identify practical, reasonable steps you need to take in order to attain that goal. But remember, only implement plans that you can control and avoid what you cannot control such as relying on others to partic- ipate in your plan. Taking control over your own life and accepting the limitations of what you can- not control will result in feeling self-em- powered, happy, and free of a vast array of unpleasant emotions. It is imperative that you realize that you can never control other people in terms of what they do and how they treat you. And you cannot con- trol how events and situations impose lim- its on you such as the pandemic that en- croaches our lives. Your ability to control your reactions and responses can minimize the negative limits you experience from them. As for the problems you have the power to do something about, develop a goal, make a plan, then implement it. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practic- ing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). M ind T he M ind Feeling helpless is unhealthy but it is ironically, almost never the case. Dr. Michael Osit TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE: EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE OUT OF CONTROL