THE WARREN-WATCHUNG CONNECTION PAGE 12 SEPT/OCT/NOV 2026 theconnectionsnj.com SENIOR LIVING theconnectionsnj.com any in my world are facing the challenge of differences in how couples age. For the first time in their marriage or relationship, a man and woman may recognize that even if they are the same age, health or habits may have a huge impact on their lifestyle as a couple. Since I have experience with guiding the aging, friends have asked me to accompany them as they look at facilities for their loved one. It is such an emotional time for them that they recognize it may be difficult to honestly judge a facility. I am most anxious to support them, since another pair of eyes and ears can make a big difference when making this important decision. I always begin by explaining that for many, there is no magical age or stage when it is clear the move to a facility is indicated. For some, it will be as memory issues show themselves. Or there are mobility difficulties that make it impossible to experience life outside of the home. Or perhaps there is a degenerative disease that has reached a crisis point. It is also important for me to point out that there are stages for facilities and one size does not fit all. Independent living is a good choice for one with the ability to make their meals, be able to do their own shopping either by driving or on a transport, be responsible for their personal hygiene and their clothing and bedding, and interface with their medical team. The very name, independence, identifies that there is less provided by the facility beyond a place to live socially and communally. Assisted living is a great choice for one who is unable to handle some or all of those challenges. Meals provided with others, medical care on site, laundry service provided, someone to assist at any time of day or night, perhaps an aide, socialization and activities are all line items in assisted living facilities. The socialization is key for those in need of assistance, and since we eat with our eyes, attractive and healthy meals are extremely important. I stress this and recommend dining with the residents when making a decision, since not only the residents but their family, from time to time, will be dining. Nursing or sub-acute care relies upon skilled medical staff and is guided by medical necessity. Physical, occupational and speech therapy may be offered, and a program designed to meet the patient’s medical needs is created upon entry. Looking for a facility that is bright and cheery, with engaging and caring staff, may go a long way in offering confidence that the patient or family member will not fall into depression. These are life-altering decisions not only for the patient but their family, and change always has the potential to be difficult. This decision is one that is more so than almost any other. I encourage anyone facing this to reach out to family, friends, clergy, others who have had similar experiences, or medical professionals to gather information. Sit with the decision, visit and revisit if necessary, and recognize that at the end of the day, doing what is best for those we love at this time of life looks very different than any other, but done out of love, it is the right thing to do. SENIOR CORNER Facilities With Facilities By Ellyn Mantell M It is also important for me to point out that there are stages for facilities and one size does not fit all.
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