The Connection Bernards-Ridge Edition April/May 2018

www.theconnectionsnj.com PAGE 28 IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT I’M YOUR MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER YOUR THERAPIST AND YOUR SECRET WEAPON READY TO TRANSFORM YOU INTO THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE CALL TODAY 908.204.9909 e-mail: Billybeyer@fitnesstogether.com WWW.FITNESSTOGETHER.COM/BASKINGRIDGE • PERSONAL FITNESS • HEALTH & WELLNESS • PERSONAL TRAINING FIND US ON FACEBOOK - FACEBOOK.COM/FITNESSTOGETHERBASKINGRIDGE Why me? Why do things seem to consistently go wrong for me, or happen to me? Do you ever feel like you have a target on your back and life is just shooting at you constantly? I am not talking about someone “playing victim” here. Previous columns have addressed the spurious victim syndrome where people see themselves as a victim when they are really using the self-illusion of victim- ization to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Thus, the title of my last book, The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me, that addresses taking control of your life without making excuses. (Yes, that was a cheap plug). Here, I am referring to the bona-fide, bad luck, mishap, acci- dent prone person who just seems to get beaten down by life. You can be sitting at a red light and a car comes plowing into the rear of your car. You eat healthy, exercise regularly yet still get diagnosed with diabetes. You carefully plan timing of your license renewal with the DMV and take the morning off from work to do so, only to find that they had to close due to water main break in the building. There is a big snowstorm on your wedding day, and so on. Sometimes unlucky things just seem to happen to a person more often than other people. Why is that? Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer but I do understand the unfairness and inequity of it. We have all heard the platitude, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But what if you hate lemonade? What if the lemons are so sour or rotten that it wouldn’t even make good tasting lemonade? There are undoubtedly times when you just can’t turn it into lemonade. But what you can do is go look for a juicy orange to mitigate the sour taste of the lemons. If your life seems like one big Whoops! then you have two choices. You can either complain and drown in the misery or, you can empower yourself so that you don’t become depressed or beaten down by life’s mayhem. The first thing you need to do is something that you should not do. Do not wallow in your bad luck. Instead, problem solve, adjust your game plan, try to undo the misfor- tune if it can be undone, and main- tain perspective. Sometimes life throws us a really, really bad curve- ball-like cancer or the sudden unex- pected loss of a loved one. Those make it difficult to maintain perspec- tive, and it is nearly impossible to make lemonade out of them. How- ever, most of the bad luck surprises we experience do not hold as grave a consequence as a serious medical diagnosis or death of someone you care deeply about. Admittedly, in the moment, it sometimes feels like it’s the end of the world. But that is rarely the case. One thing you can do is to utilize the strong relationships you have in your life to lean on and provide assistance in dealing with your Whoops! If your car gets rammed at a red light, ask a friend for a good body shop referral, instead of choosing one randomly or on the Internet. Take action not Vali- um. Empower yourself each time something bad happens to you by stepping up your game plan. When things happen that are out of your control, the only thing you can do is damage control with whatever you can have influence or ability to change. Creating an action plan may not undo the Whoops! but it might set you on a better course so that the Whoops! doesn’t create more Whoops! or even worse Whoops! down the road. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist prac- ticing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Gen- eration Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). MY LIFE IS ONE BIG WHOOPS! DEALING WITH MISFORTUNE By: Dr. Michael Osit