The Connection Bernards-Ridge Edition April/May 2018

APRIL/MAY 2018 THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION PAGE 59 Jeralyn L. Lawrence jllawrence@nmmlaw.com 400 Crossing Boulevard . 8th Floor Bridgewater, NJ 08807 t: 908-252-4278 • f: 908-722-0755 www.nmmlaw.com More than half of the families in the United States were formed by remarriages or recoupling of rela- tionships. Based on current statis- tics, half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, and the average length of a marriage is seven years. With the ending of marriages, the subsequent remar- riages or the forming of new rela- tionships after divorce – particularly those remarriages or relationships that integrate children into the new relationship – create certain dynam- ics that are different from those of prior relationships. First, when blending a family, it is critical to support the children, especially emotionally. It is not unusual for a child to pine for the original family unit, and a child may struggle as he or she adapts to a new stepparent, new stepsibling(s), new neighborhood, and/or new school. It can be overwhelming for a child to digest and process this transition into a new family unit, and if not done with the best inter- ests of the child in mind, can often lead to emotional outbursts, or internal psychological turmoil, detrimental to the health and wel- fare of a child. The key to a successful transition is ensuring that the family has the therapeutic support it needs, and working with a family therapist can be the key ingredient to successful blending. This process can work if the family, as a unit, remains com- mitted and engaged in the process, without trivializing any member’s needs or expectations. Obtaining therapeutic support even before remarriage or moving in with a significant other is ideal, as it allows ample time to identify and address issues. The need for thera- peutic support may continue long- term, however, as complicated issues with the role of the step- parent and stepfamily emerge. Some children respond well and are receptive to active, involved step- parents, and may even become comfortable with discipline from a stepparent. Others may not adapt as easily, especially when a steppar- ent takes the role of disciplinarian without respecting the boundaries of a child’s comfort zone. In that case, a stepparent may need to step back and learn how to be a friendly, supportive adult in the stepchild’s life. The focus should be on trying to establish a bond and connection to the stepchild with- out trying to replace a biological parent. Children often do not want or need replacements, but rather a unified support system with strength in numbers. Children tend to thrive when they have loving, connected adults to support them. Therefore, surrounding a child with meaningful adult relationships such as these will have a positive effect on a child’s happiness. The recipe for a successfully blend- ed family rests on a generous help- ing of love, complemented with a dash of patience, a handful of tol- erance, and a sprinkle of luck, and topped with an abundance of self- lessness. Above all, it is paramount that the adults involved put the child’s needs before their own. In time, a happy, loving, balanced family should be perfected. BLENDED FAMILIES By: Jeralyn L. Lawrence, Esq. Norris McLaughlin & Marcus, P.A. www.theconnectionsnj.com