The Connection Bernards-Ridge Edition Sept/Oct/Nov 2018

www.theconnectionsnj.com ganekel@aol.com PEDIATRIC HOUSECALLS Diplomate of The American Board of Pediatrics. Fellow of The American Academy of Pediatrics. 908-578-4653 3322 Route 22 West, Suite 1207-1208, Branchburg, NJ 08876 908-218-0300 908-218-0301 (fax) www.branchburgoralsurgery.com We Accept Most Major PPO Dental Plans Karl Maloney, D.D.S. Board Certified Oral & Maxillofacial Surgeon Wisdom Teeth Dental Implants Bone Grafting General Anesthesia 3D Cone Beam CT Jaw Surgery Oral Pathology Facial Trauma A crime is defined as a legally prohibit- ed, foolish, senseless, or shameful act that is deemed injurious to public wel- fare or societal morals. This article addresses what I call “self-induced crimes.” Self-induced crimes differ from unlawful crimes in that they aren’t nec- essarily illegal, and they don’t necessar- ily have to impact others. They are sim- ilar to unlawful crimes using a more lib- eral definition of “crimes.” The similari- ties are in the foolish, senseless, or shameful acts that are injurious to your- self or your own moral code. It is when you just can’t seem to get out of your own way. As you live your life, there is a duality that occurs in terms of situations, events, and people. One pole of the duality is unwanted-uninvited problems that are thrust into your life in terms of situations, events, or people. These are unpreventable and unforeseen and all you can do is adjust and adapt to them so that you cope with them with mini- mal or no negative impact on yourself. The other pole of the duality is prob- lems that you can blame on no one but yourself. These situations, events, and poor relationships are a result of poor decision-making and poor judgment. I am not referring to decisions and judg- ments that you make with scrutiny, research, consult, or analytics. Self- induced crimes are decisions and judg- ments that you make with full knowl- edge of the potential negative risks that are unnecessary. They are referred to as self-induced crimes because they are foolish, senseless, or shameful self- imposed acts with consequences that have a somewhat predictable negative impact on yourself. Here are some examples of self-induced crimes: • Continuing to date or renew a romantic relationship with someone who consistently mistreats you or has personality flaws that are forever promised to change but don’t. • Blatantly cheating on your taxes when your accountant advises you that it is a red flag for an IRS audit. • Going to a friend’s 40th birthday din- ner the night before you have a huge, career shaping presentation at work the next day. • Hiring your plumber’s assistant on the side for a cheaper, cash job to save money. • Using another credit card when your primary card just maxed out. • Procrastinating anything that has a deadline or negative consequence. • Remaining with your partner after he or she has cheated on you 2 or 3 times. • Lending a friend or relative money, again, when he or she hasn’t paid you back the first time. When you commit a self-induced crime, you are knowingly making a decision to engage in a self destructive action. It is a choice that you may make at the time, and ironically, it is often the same choice you have repeatedly made in the past resulting in the same poor outcomes. Why do you do this? Perhaps you are not paying attention to past experi- ences so that you can learn from them. Maybe you keep fooling yourself into thinking that this time the outcome will be different. Could you possibly have an unconscious masochistic need for self- punishment? Whatever the reason is, it would be prudent to be aware of your repeat offender self-induced crimes and stop this negative behavior pattern. For the situations that are thrust upon you, the best you can do is adapt, adjust, and cope. For self-induced crimes, you need to: • Be aware of previous behavior patterns • Think through your decisions and interactions with others to calculate all (negative and positive) possible outcomes • Be aware that you can fool yourself in a convincing manner that it is the best course of action. • Avoid making decisions that are “gray” in terms of ethical behavior, legality, health, work, and relationships • Take mindful control over your life to minimize negative outcomes and relationships If you can be acutely aware of and avoid creating self-induced crimes in your life, you will undoubtedly increase your potential for happiness and you will find yourself in a position for oppor- tunity instead of constantly doing dam- age control. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist prac- ticing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Gen- eration Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). SELF-INDUCED CRIMES By: Dr. Michael Osit PAGE 38