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PAGE 70
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BEFORE & AFTER, A COMBINATION OF SCULPTRA,
DERMALFILLERS & BOTOX/DYSPORT
I WAS AN EXCELLENT PARENT UNTIL
I STARTED HAVING CHILDREN
By: Dr. Michael Osit
It’s true. We all had some preconceived
notions of the type of parent we were
going to be prior to having children.
Well, we plan and our children laugh.
It’s a clever title, “I was an excellent
parent until I started having children,”
however, I can’t take credit for it. A
patient, who I believe is an excellent
parent, stated this during a session dis-
cussing her frustrations with parenting.
We thought that our kids would take
the trash out when we asked them.
We envisioned them being cooperative
with their homework and trying their
best in school. We would avoid being
judgmental and critical, like our par-
ents were. Our children will feel open
and free to discuss sensitive subjects
such as alcohol, drugs, and sex. We
thought they would always be respect-
ful of us, and other adults for that mat-
ter. As a result of our excellent parent-
ing, we believed our children would
never feel depressed, anxious, worried,
or lack self confidence. Of course, they
would be well liked by others and lead
happy lives treating themselves and
others respectfully, and have a great
work ethic. Our knowledge of nutri-
tion and benefits of physical activity
would certainly prevent our children
from experiencing medical maladies.
We plan and our children laugh.
Where did we receive our parent train-
ing? How did we figure out how to be
that excellent parent? Which parenting
manual should I read? The fact is, there
is no formal training, no formal educa-
tion, no requirement to be a parent,
and no certification or licensure. We
require training and education, and
have government regulations for a fish-
ing license, gun ownership, a driver’s
license, and even to sell sausage and
pepper sandwiches from a “Grease
Truck” on the street. There is certainly
value in all of those requirements, but
parenting has the impact of shaping a
person’s life-for their entire life.
At the core of our parent training is our
own experience as a child with our par-
ents. A good parent will be able to
take what is believed to be the positive
strategies and model from their own
parents, and change the inappropriate,
unhelpful ones. However, even that
can’t stop us from acting like the
ingrained parenting we experienced as
a child. As another patient once said to
me referring to a poor parenting
moment, “Dr. Osit, I can’t help it. I
open my mouth and my father jumps
out!” Our parents’ parenting is our
foundation, whether we like it or not.
The rest is on-the-job training. And
sometimes it is our kids who are doing
the training. With the plethora of par-
enting books available, my own
among them, offering numerous dif-
ferent approaches to raising happy,
well adjusted children, it all comes
down to a few very simplistic concepts.
•
Know your child
•
Know yourself
•
Be consistent
•
Exhibit proper modeling
•
Don’t confuse acceptance with
permissiveness
•
Be an authority not a friend
•
Parent without guilt
•
Be accepting of individuality, but
not indulgent of self destruction
•
Be willing to allow your child to
experience the distress of natural
consequences
•
Provide balance in all the dimen-
sions of your child’s life (time, inde-
pendence, social, family, academ-
ics, and material possessions to
name a few).
•
When in doubt, punt. That is, seek
help from your parents, friends, or
professionals
Parenting is far from simplistic. The
above is certainly not an exhaustive
bullet list to good parenting, but it’s a
great start.
Dr. Osit is a psychologist and author of
“
Generation Text: Raising Well Adjust-
ed Kids In An Age Of Instant Every-
thing.”
He has offices in Warren and
Morristown. For questions and com-
ments: Dr.Michael.Osit@Gmail.Com.
link