“Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
By Irene Lebbad, MSW, LCSW
Forgiveness is a choice we make. If we can’t let grievances go, they will always have control over us. Choosing to forgive helps release the negative energy we hold against the person that hurt us. It is not about denying someone’s unfortunate behavior that caused us pain, but acknowledging that it happened, giving up the hope that the past event could have been any different, and wishing we could have had a different outcome.
The act of forgiveness represents the release from our emotional pain so we are no longer bound to the event. We can let go and move on. It doesn’t mean we have forgotten the injury or condoned what someone has done, neither does it preclude justice. It simply means we have given ourselves permission to free our spirit and let go of our bitterness. It is never a sign of weakness, but a gift we give ourselves.
Sometimes it’s the people we have loved the most who cause us the most pain. With loved ones, the challenge to forgive and let go can be difficult, but it is the only means we have to overcome hate, resentment, and bitterness that can become toxic over time and poison our ability to acknowledge our own and others’ imperfections as human beings. We should also bear in mind that the people who have hurt us do not necessarily need to be in our lives any longer. Once we have made a conscious effort to release them and let the hurt go, we can move on and practice an attitude of “loving indifference”.
When we forgive the world-including ourselves, a weight is lifted. We become lighter and less fearful. Try using the following inventory to help you on your forgiveness journey:
- Write the name of every person living or deceased who has hurt you on a list. You can also write your own name on the list if you like.
- Go down the list one name at a time.
- Hold the image of each person in your mind and say “I forgive you and I release you. I am free and you are free”.
The process may take 30 minutes or more but it will allow you to cleanse your consciousness so resentment will not continue to accumulate and poison you. Repeat as often as needed until you really feel unburdened, detached from the emotional pain, and clear of the perceived injury. Then you will be really free and can finally embrace your peace. Peacefulness and increased energy are the prizes and forgiveness is the price. Remember that forgiveness is such a powerful force because it is a direct product of love.
The act of forgiving will ultimately allow each of us to not only move on with our lives, but also become a more evolved and loving version of ourselves.
Irene C. Lebbad, MSW, LCSW
Center for Intrapersonal Wellness LLC
2 North Road, Ste 3
Warren NJ 07059
908-963-7645