By Sandra Fava and Eric Solotoff
Whether it is with the other parent, a grandparent, another family member, or a local child welfare agency, there is nothing worse than being in a legal battle regarding who gets to see and care for your children.
Keep Your Custody Lawyer Fully Informed
Your custody lawyer needs to know all there is to know about you, your children, and others involved in the case. They need contact information for the key people who interact with your children, including medical providers, educators (past and present), principals, school counselors, caregivers, people living with or frequently visiting them, concerned neighbors, friends and their parents, and supportive family members. Second, the attorney needs a firm handle on the children’s schedules, including when they are with you, the other parent, or a caregiver; when they attend school, camp, or child care; and when they see the doctor or dentist. Finally, your lawyer needs to have all pertinent documentation, including three years of medical and school records; a calendar of associated visits and calls; and e-mails, phone logs, and letters to and from other adults regarding the custody and general well-being of the children. You must also provide all documents and information regarding this case and any other custody, divorce, or abuse action involving you and/or the others involved.
Put Your Best Foot Forward
Custody evaluations are critical. Divorce courts give considerable weight to an evaluator’s recommendations. It is important to know what to expect and to prepare accordingly.
DO:
- Arrive on time for the custody evaluation interview
- Dress neatly and conservatively
- Be honest. The custody evaluator will likely seek to verify your statements. If the evaluator uses psychological testing, answer honestly. The tests are designed to detect untruths and defensiveness.
- Be sincere. The custody evaluator can usually detect embellishment and insincerity.
- Listen to the evaluator’s questions and answer directly and succinctly. If you’re unsure, ask for clarification. Provide additional documentation that is requested promptly or explain your concerns about being able to obtain the requested information.
- Demonstrate empathy, appropriate guideline setting, support for the relationship between your children and their other parent, appropriate interaction with your former spouse, and that you are sheltering your children from conflict.
DO NOT:
- Speak badly of your spouse/partner or their family unless the custody evaluator specifically asks you to enumerate perceived problems. Do not prep your children to criticize the other parent.
- Make threatening comments about your spouse/partner or anyone else.
- Harass the evaluator by phone or in person.
- Allow a new spouse or significant other to get involved in the dispute
Custody cases are long and emotional. It’s OK to show emotion. Relax and let the best aspects of your personality shine. Present yourself as reasonable and demonstrate that you place the concerns of your children first. Custody evaluators recognize that people are under stress and take this into account. By communicating effectively with your lawyer, and focusing on what is best for your children, you can, with confidence, resolve the matter at hand.
For more information on these and other questions regarding divorce in New Jersey, contact Fox Rothschild Family Law attorneys resident in the Morristown office, Eric Solotoff at esolotoff@foxrothschild.com or (973) 994-7501; or Sandra Fava at sfava@foxrothschild.com or (973) 994-7564.
