By Jane Cooperman
We often repeat the same behaviors with the same poor results because we are looking externally for happiness, love, or recognition. I know a man who has everything money can buy. He can’t find happiness no matter how much he acquires. All our unhappiness, loneliness, or dissatisfaction comes from within. If we don’t do the inner work, we don’t get anywhere new. In the words of John Kabat-Zinn, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
A life coach has tools to help clients with some of the internal work, but you can try using these on your own. They include vision work, gratitude practice, and meditation.
To change your behavior, it helps to know where you want to go. That’s what we call vision work. Here are some questions to get you started with yours:
If you close your eyes and picture your best life, what comes to mind?
o How would I be feeling?
o What do I see myself doing?
o What would I be most excited about?
o Who would be there with me?
o Where am I? (details please)
Once you have a clear picture, write it down. Tape your vision statement to your mirror to look at each day. Make a vision board with pictures from your photo gallery and save it as your computer wallpaper. One of my clients, an artist, made an abstract sculpture to reflect her vision. It’s your vision, so you can record it any way you like.
The vision is a destination, with many possible ways to get there. When you don’t know which route to take, choose the one that is congruent with your vision. It’s a great way to begin.
The quickest way to stop suffering and start feeling hopeful is to develop a gratitude practice. Feeling grateful each day opens you up to contentment as a new mindset. Here are two gratitude exercises that I recommend.
- “The 5 Faces of Gratitude”-Every day before you get out of bed, think about 5 people you love and value in your life. One at a time, picture their faces in as much detail as you can. When you are finished, go ahead and get out of bed with your smile.
- Keep a Gratitude Journal- Each day, dedicate time to think about what you are grateful for. Anything counts, big or small. The more stuck you feel, the more important it is to do this. Then, write about it in your journal. You may struggle to think of anything, but I assure you that soon you will have long lists of things, feelings, abilities, and people that you are grateful for.
Maybe you have considered meditation, but can’t fit it into your busy day. The benefits of meditation are so many and so powerful, you might want to reconsider. Science has corroborated that meditation can even rewire your brain.
How can you get started? There are apps for your phone and meditations on YouTube. Start by sitting for 5 minutes and simply watch your mind. Gradually progress, eventually to 15 minutes twice a day. You will find that you look forward to each session. People will start telling you that you seem different. And you’ll wonder when you started having that peaceful feeling. Give it a try and get unstuck.
Jane Cooperman is a Mayo Clinic-trained Health and Wellness Coach and a Registered Nurse. Please visit her website for more information: janecoopermanwellness.com or call/text her at 201-240-4735.
