By Dr. Michael Osit
I have a handful of patients who are in the 18- to 25-year-old age bracket who have decided to delete all their social media accounts. Their reasons were an accumulation of many issues including addiction, annoyance, overwhelming, anxiety-provoking depression, feeling left out and alienation, inattention to work and personal responsibilities, and exposure to unwanted social and political issues. Whew, that’s a lot! Even when they are not looking at their screens, the feeling is that a part of their brain is still thinking and wondering about what is happening on their favorite social media apps. Surely, many of you have experienced all or at least some of these issues as your life tends to revolve around social media. These patients all report feeling free from the angst that social media apps bring into their lives, but there have also been some downsides.
Social media has become embedded in our social and work lives to the point that it has become necessary to participate to simply stay informed and relevant. Announcements, social engagements, and all types of information are posted that keep you in the loop. Without social media, you will undoubtedly miss important events both professionally and personally. An attempt to simply be an observer of social media without posting will accomplish your feeling of being in the “know.” However, never posting or responding to others’ posts can be damaging to relationships and end up alienating you from social engagements.
To borrow and modify an old and politically incorrect adage: “Social Media, can’t live with it, can’t live without it.” So, what to do? It is an unreasonable and sometimes unworkable situation that people experience in their relationship with social media communications. The only solution is to live with it and live without it. That is, if you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, you can identify when your attention to social media is making you feel good and when it is making you feel bad. Setting time boundaries according to your feelings will help you with overuse, and avoid that long list of negative effects excessive social media can create. The fear of missing out (FOMO) must be negotiated with self-talk that reassures yourself to make it okay to not be privy to all that is going on in the world. The ultimate freedom will come from the notion that you are controlling the endless stream of information and images that social media presents. Also, by limiting your social media communications and viewing to only the people you truly care about, you will reduce the amount of time and attention to it in general. Identify those people who are truly in your real life, and ignore the posts from people who are no longer in your life and really do not care about you. Influencers, for example, do not know you exist and do not know what you really need. Old high school friends that you haven’t seen or heard from for 20 years are important in memory of old times but do not have an impact on your present life.
Social media is a tool. And like any tool, it can be useful or it can be harmful-like fire, a hammer, or cell phones. Use them judiciously and wisely so they do not become destructive.
Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and the author of The Train Keeps Leaving without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids in an Age of Instant Everything (2008).