By Dr. Michael Osit
I received a voicemail in my office a few weeks ago from a woman identifying herself as a representative of Global Supplies. She asked for a callback, as they were working with PSE&G and needed to make an appointment with me. I receive numerous calls, emails, and texts trying to either scam me or sell me something, as I am sure you do – so I did not return the call. She called back several more times so I decided to return the call. As it turned out, it was legitimate. PSE&G needed to replace old meters and it was just a courtesy call to let me know. I began to feel terrible. I did not trust her. I was suspicious that she wanted to either sell me something I did not need or try to obtain personal information from me. I started reflecting on this event and realized that there is a lot of mistrust in our culture right now. From digital scams, identity theft, and unwanted solicitations on our phones and online, to periodic misinformation portrayed by the media, and more recently, AI scams. I felt sad that my initial reaction was one of mistrust.
Trust is integral to our society and our relationships. It is the core that binds our relationships and allows us to experience them fully and healthily. Trust enables openness to feel close to someone, but it also leaves you vulnerable. Trust is the culmination of caring, mutual respect, and honesty. Trust allows us to experience happiness with the people in our lives with comfort, dependability, and safety. Trust is obtained from strength, consistent behavior, and trustworthiness. When you have trust in friends, family members, co-workers, and political leaders, it is priceless. And, it is precious. Like most precious things, they can be delicate and easily broken. Once trust is broken, some say it is impossible to ever retrieve it again with that person. I especially see this in couples I work with when infidelity has occurred, and they are working to stay together. Broken trust results in extreme feelings of betrayal.
Mistrust and suspicion are pervasive right now. On the contrary, blind trust is risky. Trust needs to be cautiously earned. Here are some tips to develop trust – that you can trust:
- Look for consistency in their words. Do they tell you the same story, attitude, or philosophy?
- Do their words match their behavior? Actions represent more of the truth than words.
- Look for honesty or contradictions in what they say and how they treat others.
- Is there follow-through on promises and commitments?
- Realize that there may be different aspects of trust in your relationships. You may have complete trust that your husband would never physically harm you, but may not trust that he is faithful. A close friend can be trusted to be supportive and dependable but you may not trust his full commitment to the friendship because he is a social climber.
Trust can be tricky because it does leave you vulnerable. But if you have genuine trust in someone, it can be the foundation for an extremely positive relationship.
Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Self Fulfillment (2016), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008).