by Ellyn Mantell
The unsung heroes in any patient’s return to normalcy are the caregiver. These are the ones who are on the frontline as the patient adjusts to changes in his or her life. Patients are often unable to express their fears, including worry about future health, anxiety about dealing with the medical community, finances, and concern about physical challenges.
I frequently speak with patients who are facing these new or repetitive challenges as they source support of all types. My primary goal is to establish who will be the point person in certain situations, and what that will look like. For example, if a patient has three children who want to be involved in their care, who will be the “hands-on” person assisting with meals and dressing, getting Mom or Dad to medical appointments? Who will handle the finances? Who will make the arrangements for the Visiting Nurse, someone to clean, do the food shopping? My mother, the eldest of five children, always told me that “one mother could take care of five children, but five children cannot take care of one mother.” I will not argue that point!
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Caregivers may also be tasked with emotional support, as any medical challenges, including the aging process, takes their toll on the psyche. Depression is greater as confidence is lessened, which occurs as frustration over the inability to do the same tasks, increases. A caregiver who is aware of the losses felt, and is open to providing this emotional support, will probably see the benefit in raised spirits, rather than a downward spiral of anger.
Adjustment of any kind takes work, support, patience, and positive thinking, and all of that may feel overwhelming to both the patient and caregiver. These areas, however, are where the positive shift occurs. Our caregivers can accelerate adjustments by opening their minds and hearts to the emotions experienced by the patient; actively listening to the medical community at appointments; educating themselves as best they can to the causation of the problem; learning how to advocate for Mom or Dad. What they did for us, was as natural to them as breathing, and at this time in their lives, nothing would give most of them more comfort than to be able to continue to care for themselves. If, however, they need us to be there to care for them, that is the place we absolutely need to be…for them, and for ourselves.