By Ellyn Mantell
Regardless of how many times I recommend group living facilities as we age or need assistance, someone seems inclined to challenge my belief. That is fine with me, because the proof has benefitted our family, and we are so grateful.
In anticipation of Mom requiring a different living plan as she aged, Bruce and I did our due diligence years before it became necessary. We spoke with senior experts and looked at assisted and independent living facilities in the area, as well as apartments designed for aging in place. We educated ourselves.
Mom, however, was not having any of our suggestions. She was determined to stay in her home, which had three sets of stairs until she fell and broke her knee. We then moved her into a 55 and over apartment, but she was, at this point, close to 90 years old. Navigating the lighting, keys, phones, and buzzer was challenging, and she was losing her self-esteem, and feeling like a failure. Additionally, she was still driving and insisted on having a garage to house her large car. Soon, not only was that a hazard to the structure of the garage, but to herself. There was no space for her to safely enter or exit the car, so she fell again, this time requiring wound care for months.
A visit to Mom’s geriatrician was life-altering, in that the decision was made she would no longer drive, and she was to move from her apartment to an assisted living facility. My sister-in-law had taken mom to look at three options and Chelsea at Warren, now Mira Vie, was selected.
Mom entered Chelsea at close to 90 lbs. and was becoming frail for the first time in her life. We were worried and felt hopeful we had moved her in time. She, however, was not a willing participant in the move, feeling she had lost her independence and control.
Her adjustment was not an easy one for her or us. But like the child entering kindergarten who needs a buddy or a distraction, as well as more time to transition, both were provided and soon, Mom became involved. She made friends, played cards and Bingo, enjoyed mealtime, exercised, and socialized. At that time, her “closest friend” was getting ready to celebrate her 100th birthday.
I share this with you because we are often in the position of promising we will never succumb to placing a family member in a facility. I believe that is a terrible disservice to both parents and family members. Had we let Mom wallow in what felt more “comfortable” for her, she would not be with us. Of that, I feel quite certain. Socializing, prepared meals, lack of daily stress to pay bills and manage life, and perhaps most importantly, immediate health care as needed, are all keys to longevity. If you don’t believe me, ask her…Mom just celebrated her 100th birthday, and was the Belle of the Ball!