By Ellyn Mantell
Living in New Jersey is experiencing the yin and yang of life on a good day. We live in the most densely populated state in the union (I remember that fact from the stone age when I was in school learning such facts) and as such, have businesses, professional and personal services, malls and plenty of restaurants, pizzerias and diners. But we also have people everywhere, and in the COVID era, that is a very bad thing!
No doubt, we will be the last to see life return to whatever normal will be, and regardless of when that happens, we will be so happy to see each other again. But in the meantime, I want to share with you that the only signs of life we seem to encounter are the kind that run or glide on four feet, and they are taking up domicile in our home…I kid you not.
This is how it began: a few weeks ago, I went down to the basement to do my workout and there was a dead mouse on the indoor-outdoor carpet. Poor Mickey, or Minnie…I didn’t get close enough to make that determination. After I yelled for a minute or two, okay, screamed for him, my husband, Bruce came down in hazmat gear, with big winter gloves and heavy shoes and a shovel, and brought our visitor to the backyard where he rests amongst the leaves.
No sooner had we collected out thoughts, when we heard a familiar racket in our attic, and knew a squirrel was paying us a visit. We are not strangers to squirrels, living on “Acorn” Road, but we hadn’t had one in our attic for a long time. Said squirrel meant a call to our exterminator, who couldn’t come for a few days. That was a Friday. By Sunday, this aggressive critter actually chewed a small hole through the sheetrock in the ceiling and Bruce and I put putty in the hole to keep him from chewing more of an opening. Our exterminator explained that he also chewed his way into the roof, and that was his entrance. But wait, there’s more…there were three areas of entry so he was a very busy squirrel! Humane traps did not work, despite peanut butter crackers, and finally, two weeks later, a roofer was able to seal the spots. So long, Gray Squirrel, or so we hoped.
Read more articles from Ellyn Mantell here: https://theconnectionsnj.com/category/slice-of-life/
Feeling a sense of relief not felt in weeks, our home finally critter-free, I was writing in my office and, I kid you not, we heard another rustling in the attic! This animal sounded lighter on his feet, banging into every wall he encountered. To say we have become experts in the cacophony of sounds these critters make is simply crazy, but actually, we are.
Welcome back, Rolando from Viking Pest Control who asks, “have you heard of Flying Squirrels?” Well, the answer is yes, and not because we used to watch Bullwinkle and Rocky. But because we had them, as well, over the years. And if you are thinking, how cute, a flying squirrel, I will tell you they are NOT cute! Especially since they are nocturnal, and they arrive at the Mantell Motel in the dark of night, and don’t leave until dawn…scurrying around above our bed.
I have removed the Welcome Mat, the Vacancy sign, nothing inviting going on, believe me. And yet, with no encouragement at all, the flying squirrel returns nightly. I pray he doesn’t gain access to our bedroom. I have heard the expression, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” but honestly, I am more terrified of those critters than major abdominal surgery.
A few days ago, a gutter cleaner, who I am suggesting be canonized, and Bruce as well, for thinking of him, found an entry to our attic big enough for a nerf football to enter. My new best friend, Jose, put up metal shields and we are hoping for a great night’s sleep. I am vigilant, read that to mean, obsessed as I lay in bed waiting to hear the next sound.
Oh, and by the way, lest you think that was all of “Animalgate.” I have one more to mention. Bruce and I were putting away his files in the basement this week and lo and behold, there was a chipmunk, and again, Alvin is cute in cartoons, but when one is in your basement, it isn’t cute…sick and wobbly, probably poisoned by one of the many mouse traps outside. Sadly, he, too died, and Bruce had to gear up in hazmat wardrobe and take him to the backyard!
I have always loved the story of Noah’s Ark, and the thought of two by two is very sweet, but enough is enough. I am appreciative that thus far, all of the animals have been single file, not arriving in pairs to our knowledge, or we have bigger problems than we think. It has been a challenging time, but we are hoping that the next animals we see are not IN our home, but enjoying the outside where they belong!