By Ellyn Mantell
Perhaps for many, there is no choice…they want both. And I understand that. However, there are times, perhaps many, when I need to decide what is more important, because both may not be possible at the same time. Rather than digging in my heels, I take a giant step back and look at the bigger picture.
Regardless of how thin we slice something, there are always two sides to it, and either, or both, have merit. We all see things differently based on our life experiences, our expectations, and our vision of the world. In most situations, we can accept that reality. But there are times when emotions take over, and they propel us to choose a viewpoint and stand by that choice. Standing for our beliefs may make us right, but will it make us happy?
For the most part, unless I would be untrue to my moral compass, I choose happy! That may mean accepting someone else’s view on something, rather than trying to have them lean into mine. That may also mean saying I am wrong in my understanding of a situation. Recognizing I have a choice is empowering; recognizing I am not losing, and I am winning, is the goal.
Having adult children has been my road map for growth in this area. They may very well see things differently than I do. We are of a different generation and have had many life experiences that have shaped each of us. They have created their world in their image, just as my husband and I did at their age. My goal is not to teach them my ways at this point. I am most grateful they have the patience to teach me theirs. Acceptance of this has helped us to be closer than ever, I believe, because there is no tug of war, no “I am right…you are wrong.”
Each generation believes they are “reinventing the wheel” and that makes them feel powerful. They also believe they know the “right way” or perhaps the “only way” to do things. We can all learn from each other if we want to learn, and not simply be right.
Perhaps the most important acknowledgment of all at this point in life is that every day is a gift, and I want that gift to be placed in a lovely box and wrapped in beautiful shiny paper, reflective of happiness. There is little I can do to change the world. Those days are long gone. I recognize that. I want my little corner of the world to be a better place, however, and I can do that by choosing to not fight so hard to be right- rather to be grateful I can be happy.