By Jasmine Gill
I’m willing to bet that, if you’re a parent, you’ve sought out articles much like this one.
You’ve likely rifled through magazines, devoured the wisdom of celebrities and contemporary stars, and been driven to the brink of insanity trying to figure out how to tame the wild adolescent you’ve raised. But no matter how much parents try to resolve conflicts between themselves and their teenage children, there isn’t much one can do without being equipped with the proper battle strategies. Here I present a comprehensive set of resolution tactics (coming from the mind of a seventeen-year-old herself) that, if followed precisely, is guaranteed to improve your relationship with your teenager—and make them wonder who gave you such amazing advice.
PLEASE WITH THE PRIVACY!
Parents are almost always worried about what their kid is doing: try in school, please, don’t do drugs, and for goodness’ sake, make good choices. But this sentiment gets out of hand when parents constantly monitor their teen’s belongings (phones, diaries, backpacks, etc.). Even if your teenager has nothing to hide, feeling violated and uncomfortable is a reflex that should not be seen as unwarranted or out of place. Respect their privacy and ask to check their devices. If they refuse, that’s ok too—giving them a choice restores their sense of autonomy. Only look through their items if you have true cause for concern.
PUT THE PITCHFORK DOWN…
A lot of parents think that talking to their adolescents requires inserting the same amount of force and anger into their own speech, but this only fosters further hostility. If you must give your teen consequences for rude behavior, act calmly and offer your support. For example, “If you keep talking like this, I’m going to disengage / etc. We can talk this over when we’re both feeling better.” Even if you must be firm at times, be kind and supportive; your teen is, simply put, going through a lot, and every positive interaction helps.
… AND WALK AWAY.
Many parents admit that they struggle to communicate with their kids, and when they do, they’re bombarded with conflict and frustration. I assure you, this is very normal! But teens take what their parents say to heart, so next time you feel like lashing out… walk away. You might feel as if you’re giving your child an awful lot of space—too much?—but you’re giving them time to reflect, calm down, and go back willingly to you. If you think you’re not communicating enough, take time to say simple things like “I love you” or “I’m here whenever you need me.”
WORK TOWARDS YOUR DEGREE IN LISTENING SKILLS.
If your teen ever starts complaining to you about something that seems unreasonable or petty, here’s my two cents: Listen. Keeping the emotions bottled up will just make them more irritable and prone to explosion in the near future, so let them verbalize their thoughts while they feel comfortable doing so. Let them know that you’ll be there to just listen, or take the time to sit with them and display simple gestures of affection.
Read more ‘Teen Voice’ articles here: https://theconnectionsnj.com/category/teen-voice/
QUICK QUIZ
Don’t be the parent that overly monitors their kid! (Other parents will compare themselves to you in conversations with their own teens, that’s for sure.) If you aren’t sure whether you’re unknowingly doing so, answer the below questions:
1) Do you check your teen’s phone, computer, and/or other devices every day?
- Yes
- No
2) Do you find yourself in constant arguments over entering your teen’s room?
- Yes
- No
3) Do you monitor your teen via any sort of camera, recording device, etc.?
- Yes
- No
RESULTS: If you answered yes to any of these questions, then that may be part of why your relationship with your teen just doesn’t seem to improve. Don’t worry, though: a simple discussion can help resolve these problems and establish common ground. Not everything will be agreed upon and it may not be the easiest talk, but it’ll be a definite step forward.
AS A LAST NOTE
You may have read this article for advice, but remember, your teen isn’t a guinea pig; they’re people too! Make sure you treat them as such—pay attention to what they’re actually saying, doing, and feeling. Keep it simple, supportive, and make sure your teen knows that you’re there for them if they need you.
Hopefully, these pieces of advice will make your relationship much more tolerable for your teen—and yourself! Good luck!