There may be no gentle way to tell you this, however my goal is to wake you up (not to crush your wonderful world of Disney childhood memories when you wished upon a star). Wishing doesn’t work.
There is no time for wishy washy. After all, this is your wonderful life (no pun intended). Let’s first get clear on why wishing won’t work. It is defined as feeling or expressing a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; wanting something that cannot or probably will not happen.
Why would you spend any precious time on things that “cannot or probably will not happen”? I’ll go so far as to say that wishes can actually be harmful to your health and well-being. Let’s do a little self- reflection and start noticing how many times a day you actually say“I WISH…”.
I “wish” I hadn’t done that.
I “wish” you hadn’t done that.
I “wish” I had more money.
I “wish” things were easier,
I “wish” I had made a different choice.
I “wish” I had more time.
I “wish” this project would be over already.
You get the point. It’s exhausting just reading it.
If we’re gonna be honest, we can consider that we are in a constant state of wishing. Anytime you’re wishing that something had been different, you’re in that crazy state. Wishes become a nice disguise for regrets from the past, for unkept promises, for unmet agreements. Those woulda, coulda, shoulda things that you can’t go back and change. Why keep them on your wish list? They take up valuable space in your head. And they make you feel bad.
Wishing also assists us in avoiding things we can be doing by wasting time on things that we really have no intention of ever doing. Instead we talk about it and complain about it. This type of wishing is insidious and persistent. It easily traps us. It’s when we wish we could do something now or into the future, however, we really have no intention of doing it. Are you wishing for something that you actually have no intention of doing?
Suppose you are wishing you had more time to hone your skill or learn something new just for fun. You go around thinking, talking and feeling, “I wish I had time to do that”. “I just don’t have the time.” It’s taking up space in your head. It’s also annoying people who you complain about it to. You think about how it would be if only you could. And then you feel bad.
Can you see how either way you wish it, it’s a drag on your body, your energy system, your mental state and on your capacity to move forward and create new things? There is a solution to all of this wishy washy-ness. Allow Jedi Master Yoda to smack you back to reality, “Do or don’t do.” Make a decision. Either do it or don’t do it. And if you don’t, let it go. That means stop talking about it, complaining about it, thinking about it, dreaming about it.
Let’s use an example. You wish you could play the guitar. You always thought about it as a kid. You carry around that wish and the complaints that go along with it. If you really got clear, stopped wishing and took action, you would make an appointment with an instructor, investigate how much time you actually did need, and access where you could fit in your lessons. Or you might decide that you actually don’t want the music lesson, but you want the experience of listening to Eric Clapton or George Harrison’s genius. So you could turn on the music! Making either choice has now turned your wish into a command.
Here is the part you’ve been waiting for. These are 4 simple ways to start moving forward in your life while creating inner peace, harmony and well-being.
1) Let go of wishing and start choosing. Make a decision and then affirm, announce and declare your intentions to the Universe. Most importantly integrate these intentions into your life and act accordingly.
2) Change your vocabulary and your thinking. You are not a failure for letting something go. It might sound disempowering but it is actually the most courageous and healthy thing you can do. The Universe is filled with expansive energy. When you accept and let go, you open up space for new inspiration to flow in. The new thing will be a better fit for you in the form of one you will actually take steps to accomplish.
3) Aim High. Reach for the stars instead of wishing upon them. If you fall short according to “your plan” you will land on the moon and that’s okay. Be okay with it. Beating yourself up does not change the circumstance or make you feel better. Instead, take away the gift you received from the lessons learned and move on.
4) Take the cake. Save the wishes for your birthday cake candle. If you really want to be a badass and take responsibility for your life, take a moment to sit with yourself. Decide what change you would like to make for your new birthday year. Set your intention over that candle. Then decide what your first step would be and step into it.
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Rosie Battista, Sleeping Naked After 40, is a Life Coach teaching and sharing self-love youtensils and spiritual essentials for becoming the best version of yourself. Email rosie.battista@gmail.com or follow her on instagram@rosie.battista