theconnectionsnj.com SENIOR LIVING PAGE 36 Although it is old news that “youth is wasted on the young,” I am extremely aware that there is never an end to growing and evolving. The other side of that is looking back and wondering what was in my mind when I made certain decisions, accepted certain precepts, and acted or reacted to certain events. In actuality, I wish I knew that whatever I thought was so important at the time, would simply become part of the tapestry of my life, and that would actually empower me to live a better life. Raising our two daughters at a time when women were terribly conflicted about their decision to stay home with their children or enter the workforce, I knew my needs. My desire to have a career made other women uncomfortable. I was told, more than once, that my decision to have a career meant less time with my girls, and they would suffer from it. I agonized. I wish I had known then that my daughters would grow and develop into dynamic women, with families and careers that fortify them. They never questioned their decision to have a family and a career. It was simply imprinted upon them they could do both. Our relationship is better than ever because they understand what drove me to develop my many aspects, follow my dreams, and answer whatever calling I felt. I wish I knew that while I was following my dreams, I encouraged my beautiful girls to follow theirs. Now they are doing the same for their own beautiful daughters. So much of my early years were spent second-guessing and doubting myself. It is hard to move forward when expending so much energy looking backward. This amount of energy exerted in caring how others saw me was wasteful. Looking back, making others responsible for what I saw in the mirror kept me from developing my own perspective. What I wish I knew was that I was exactly who I needed to be at the time, and at each juncture, I am exactly who I am meant to be. One of my many careers brought me to a large office building, and walking into work each morning meant seeing familiar faces. I frequently, genuinely, complimented my co-workers on their outfits or lipstick or said good morning to others. I was reprimanded for being “too friendly” and I took it very hard. For days, I walked into the building with a pit in my stomach, having no idea how to act. What I wish I knew is that there will always be people who are uncomfortable with the actions of others and perhaps my desire to offer kindness wasn’t part of the company culture. Maybe my behavior was just annoying to some. But it was never intentional, and for the few women who felt better on days I complimented them, I was a positive. I wish I knew that in order to do the job I was hired to do, I needed to be who I was, and not a cookie cutter of others in the building. Lastly, like all who are human, I have made mistakes…many of them! I used to feel very bad about myself when I did so and I would become lost in my own self-punishment. I felt like the centipede who was asked by the fly how he knew which of his many legs he should move next. The centipede became immobilized, unable to verbalize how he simply just moved forward. I became immobilized by my own negative self-judgment, assuming others felt negatively about me. What I wish I knew is that letting go of self-doubt is a great strength, a skill one can hone, one that has incredible benefits. Feeling positive and self-assured brings others toward us because it is more inviting to be with those who radiate pleasure rather than negativity. I wish I knew this, and so much more. But then again, the beauty of growing and evolving is the opportunity to look back and try again. This, I actually do know…at least for today! SLICE OF LIFE What I Wish I Knew By Ellyn Mantell Feeling positive and self-assured brings others toward us because it is more inviting to be with those who radiate pleasure rather than negativity.
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