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THE BRIDGEWATER-SOMERVILLE CONNECTION
APRIL/MAY 2015
www.theconnectionsnj.com T hat Feeling of Love By: Ellyn Mantell I reached for the ringing phone anticipating the call of one of my daughters. It doesn’t matter which one, they are interchangeable in my feelings for them. It has always been that way, my recognition that as we were raising them, it was Bruce and me, and “the girls!” And as they grew, and we welcomed our sons-in-law and granddolls, our feelings expanded, (perhaps we do grow another heart when we become grandparents.) Yet as I reached for the phone, to speak with either of the young women who own the deepest part of my heart, I was overwhelmed with an incredible emotion, and I want to share it with you… I love to have a conversation with my girls. They live in a different part of the state, so we don’t see each other as much as I would like. But they are happy there, so I am happy they are there. The phone is our main form of communication. I look forward to their calls as one would a delicious meal, waiting with great anticipa- tion. Conversely, many times, when I am the caller, I wish I had a crystal ball to know “now isn’t a good time!” And who would argue that there are less than good times to hear from mom? My daughters are very, very busy women. They work full time, they raise two children and a puppy each, they care for their husbands, their homes, their community, their friends, the list goes on and on. They are involved in their world, their socie- ty, contributing as they have been shown to do. Volunteer, help those around you, be there for others. In fact, they live in an area where if a friend has the need, everyone rallies with meals, rides, etc. and they are right there to be of help. These are good women, not because they came from us, but because they have good hearts, and they do what needs to be done. I know there is little time left for themselves, and being overwhelmed is just part of their daily life. But when we do have a chance to connect, they tell me about their day-to-day. I have a glimpse back into the world I so enjoyed when they were young and lived with us. Perhaps in some ways, the conversations of today reveal even more than those of their past. Discussing friends, school, emotions and feelings, well, those aren’t necessarily the things young people do with their “clueless parents.” But now we are equal, in fact, they are truly more than my equal. They have surpassed me in their understanding of the brave new world…I feel many times as if I am just an observer…the world belongs to the young, and we who are not, just get to live in it! Here is what I so want to share with you…when my girls reach out to me to wel- come me into their day, their lives, the lives of those they love, or even those they only peripherally know, it is gift of remarkable joy! Something washes over me, and it feels very exquisite. In fact, it feels like a cashmere cloak, cozy in its com- fort. There is something so profound, this feeling of love that I feel when I speak with them. The words they speak tell me that it is important for me to know what- ever they want to share, big or small in its impact. The way my daughters speak with me is different from the way they speak with their husbands, their children, their friends, and perhaps even each other, as close as they are. It has a depth to it, many layers…I know them better than anyone else will ever know them. I have lived the years of their lives reading them as books, marking the chapters with joy and sadness, but always with pride. I have history, I have knowledge, I have a sense nobody else will ever have. I bring all of this to each and every conversation, whether we are conscious of it at that moment or not. Certainly, not every conversation is an “important” one, some shorter than others, some positive, some negative, but so valuable none the less. And regard- less of the tenor of the conversation, recognizing that life is precarious, we end the good ones and the less than good ones with “I love you.” My daughters know, in the deepest part of their hearts, that I will always find the very best in whatever they bring to me. They deserve to be treasured that way, and they are. They also know that regardless of how busy or overwhelmed they are, they give me a very special gift by making that phone call, and then, because I love them with all my heart, I give it back to them! 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