84 / 92
www.theconnectionsnj.com
PAGE 84
233 Rt. 202/206, Bedminster, NJ (Above Colonial Liquors) www.bedminster-massage.com Mention this Ad to receive $15.00 OFF your next 1hr. or 1.5 hr. Massage or Gift Certificate purchase. Not valid with any other offers. Exp. 3/31/18 Under New Ownership Amy Fleming, LMT NJ Lic. # 18KT00409800 Open 7 Days a Week Gift Certificates available for Valentine’s Day Call Today (908) 719-9191 As parents, there are many traits you want to develop in your children so they can emerge into happy, successfully func- tioning adults. Some of these traits are: • Kindness • Altruism • Work Ethic • Humility • Social Mindedness • Self-esteem • Respect Although certainly not an exhaustive list, these traits speak to character develop- ment and high self-esteem. Good par- ents actively work on these traits on a regular basis. Resilience is another trait that is less often identified or discussed. Teaching children resilience helps them cope with mistakes they will invariably make, being victimized by others and sit- uations they find themselves in, and if they experience a traumatic event. Chil- dren and adults need to learn how to be resilient in their ability to cope with life’s mayhem. What is Resilience? Resilience is the ability to successfully adapt to adversity, stressful situations, or traumas. No one is immune from family problems, financial and work stresses, relationship issues, or medical problems. We all need to be resilient in order to use effective coping mechanisms to deal with life’s curveballs. Resilience is not a genetically determined trait. It is learned behavior involving thoughts and actions that enable people to bounce back, or even better yet, improve their situation as a direct result of experiencing unpleas- ant experiences. Building Resilience There are several fundamental skills that can be actively worked on in order to help build resilient children. Some are cognitively based and others are behav- iorally implemented. The following is a list of strategies that can build resilience. Perspective When someone is in the throes of a trau- matic or stressful event, it is often viewed in a magnified and more serious manner than it is in reality. The problem is viewed as overwhelming and insurmountable. Helping your child put the issue into per- spective puts them in a mindset of empowerment and ability to cope with and get past it. Challenging the “It’s the end of the world” and “My life is ruined” line of thought creates intensely negative feelings that can immobilize your child and prevent resilience. Helping them put the event in perspective will enable them to keep their emotions under control facilitating implementation of a plan to cope. Promote Positive Relationships Having positive family and peer relation- ships not only promotes resilience in chil- dren, but it also helps with self-esteem, motivation, and overall happiness in life. Resilience is related to positive relation- ships because children feel support and connectedness when going through stressful times. Developing positive rela- tionships for your child provides a sup- port system for advice, strategizing, and emotional support. Make A Plan The adage, “When it gets tough, the tough get going” applies to developing resilience in your children. Teaching your children to make specific and decisive plans to overcome adversity is a critical step in developing resilience. Doing nothing except cowering, complaining, and indulging their victim role will only maintain the problem and prevent the bounce-back you want in your child. The situation will remain status quo if you just try to wish it away. Teach them to establish a goal, and then outline a spe- cific plan to attain that goal. It is impor- tant that your child understands another adage which is, “A goal, without a plan, is not a goal-it’s a wish.” They have to make things happen, not just hope and wish for them to change. Maintain A Positive Outlook Hopeful, positive thinking will help your child focus on positive outcomes instead of dwelling in the misery of the situation and worst case scenario fears. Optimism should not be confused with magical or wishful thinking. The distinction lies in the fact that there is a tangible plan being implemented to overcome the problem. Reinforcing these strategies is best employed at a time when your child is faced with adversity or stress. Sharing similar situations that you have encoun- tered in your life, or theirs, will also help them realize that they can be resilient. The ability to carry out specific plans, maintain a positive perspective, and the capacity to channel intense feelings into positive actions will develop resilience. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Practical Guide to Freedom, Self-Fulfillment, and Happiness (2016) and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (2008). BUILDING RESILIENCE IN CHILDREN By: Dr. Michael OsitJames P. McMenamin, DMD
S
PECIALTY
P
ERMIT
#3409
Diplomate American Board of Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery
65 Mountain Blvd. Ext. • Suite 106 • Warren
732-356-1414