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Kandou, D.D.S. www.warrennjdentist.com The top four reasons existing marriages most commonly end are: 1) poor com- munication, 2) financial issues, 3) parent- ing conflicts, and 4) boredom. This is the second part of a four-part series address- ing these common marital issues. Whereas Part One addressed communi- cation, this installment focuses on finan- cial issues. Financial issues can be a divi- sive factor affecting a couple’s quality of life creating frequent conflicts and mari- tal strife. Many believe that if a couple truly loves each other and they have good commu- nication (Part One) they can overcome any obstacle or stressor that comes their way. Financial issues are no different in this regard, but money has the potential for being used as control issues, or as a passive-aggressive means to express anger toward your partner. Sex can also be used in the same manner, but neither is the scope of this article. Instead, finan- cial issues as causation for stress and how to cope with them will be addressed. Sources of Financial Stress When money becomes a source of stress in a couple it can be pervasive, permeat- ing all aspects of their life. The origins of money conflicts are often derived from the way finances were managed in each of your own family of origin. The way money was managed or mismanaged, the value of money, the value of saving, and the value of spending has been ingrained in you as you developed from childhood to adulthood. Differing atti- tudes toward money stemming from childhood can be the first source of financial stress. A second major source of financial stress is how each of you manages money. If you tend to disregard budgets and do not pay attention to the cost of an item, and your partner is the opposite, finan- cial stress usually ensues. Having different wants and needs also causes financial stress. When it comes to material items, what are your expecta- tions regarding quality of life? Do you like driving a new or expensive car? How do you want your home to be decorat- ed? Do you enjoy going out for dinner at high priced restaurants, or taking vaca- tions? Generally, do your wants and needs in terms of material possessions and quality of life match your partner’s wants and needs? If they do not, finan- cial stress can be experienced. Different expectations for your future and how much you intend to help your grown children can also be a source of financial stress. Do you agree on how much you will pay for post high school education and how much your child will be responsible for? Do you agree on financial responsibility for your child’s car and insurance? What about your ideas for retirement? Reducing Financial Conflict Referring back to Part One, good com- munication is a necessary tool in reducing financial conflict in your marriage. Dis- cussing your philosophy on spending, saving, managing money, and what your wants and needs are will help you pre- vent conflict and arrive at compromises before they evolve into anger. This may also alleviate control and passive-aggres- sive issues using money. On that note, be careful not to confuse financial realities with control issues. Your partner may tell you that you have to cut spending due to the fact that her business has dropped 20%. Understanding the reality of your financial situation will reduce the conflict. Creating a budget will provide structure and agreed upon boundaries to your spending. A budget can also help flesh out different financial attitudes so they can be resolved quickly. I also recom- mend two strategies to the couples I work with. First, have an agreed upon dollar threshold for which you do not need to consult with one another. Any- thing above that amount must be dis- cussed prior to purchase. Second, have quarterly meetings to discuss your income, expenses, investments, and decision-making for the next quarter. Part of that discussion should also include long term goals such as funding college, bar mitzvahs, home improve- ment, rainy day crisis money, and even weddings. By treating your financial life together as business partners, with the family as the actual business, you will cir- cumvent future stress and conflict. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Practical Guide to Happiness, Freedom, & Self- Fulfillment (9/16), and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (7/08). PRESERVING MARRIAGE: FINANCIAL ISSUES (PART TWO) By: Dr. Michael Osit