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The top four reasons existing mar- riages most commonly end are: 1) poor communication (11/16); 2) financial issues (1/17); 3) parenting conflicts (3/17); and 4) boredom. This is the fourth part of a four-part series addressing these common marital issues. Part One addressed communi- cation, Part Two dealt with financial stresses, and Part Three covered par- enting conflicts. The last issue that commonly jeopardizes marriages is boredom. The opposite of boredom is excite- ment. Boredom makes you feel tired and excitement ignites the neurons in your brain making you feel alive and exhilarated. Marriages usually progress in phases. The first few years are usually heightened by excitement, good and frequent com- munication, and good and frequent sex. As life becomes more complicat- ed, with careers and children, mar- ried life can be dominated by rou- tines, lack of adventure opportunity, and fatigue. That is when boredom sets in. Boredom is further fostered by the natural inclination of most people to keep things the same. Keeping things the same creates a great deal of comfort and a feeling of security. When patients enter my office they almost always sit in the same chair every session despite the fact that there are 5 chairs available. When you were in college chances are you always sat in the same seat for each class, as you did the first day of class. The need for “same” is another culprit creating boredom in your life. Of course, there is a place for routine in your life, but when it is excessive, your life becomes boring. That is when you start longing for or fantasizing about things that would excite you. Tolstoy said, “Boredom is the desire for desires.” But, if you keep wishing that your life and mar- riage were different and don’t do anything about it, you will end up either unhappy, resentful, angry, or all three. Even worse, you will feel tired. Boredom puts the brain asleep. As we all know, marriage is always a work in progress and if it’s boring, then you and your partner are sleep- ing through life. If you started watch- ing a movie on TV and it was terribly boring, most likely you would either fall asleep or turn it off and watch something more interesting or enter- taining. So why don’t you do some- thing to stop feeling bored in your marriage? Unlike the movie analogy, I don’t suggest you “turn off” your marriage. You can’t change the movie to make it more exciting but you can spice up your marriage. Here are some suggestions: • First, recognize the fact that your relationship is boring and discuss it, accepting mutual responsibility, with your partner so that you are both on board. Being on board is the first step in not being bored. • Devise a plan that will change rou- tines to mix it up a bit. For exam- ple, a date night during the week every so often. Or, instead of watching TV in the evening, play a game. Find opportunities to do fun, different, and exciting things. Be adventurous. • Plan vacations, weekends, or just one overnight without the kids. • Try out a new activity that you both can do together such as golf, ten- nis lessons, walking, exercise class, ballroom dancing, or anything. • Drop your inhibitions (this is your all accepting partner) and think of ways to shake up your sex life. If you can predict your partner’s next move, your sex life is probably too routine. • Challenge your comfort zone so you can step outside of it. You might find activities or interests that really excite you as a couple. If you try something and don’t like it, at least you won’t be bored. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Practical Guide to Freedom, Self-Fulfillment, and Happiness (09/16) and Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (07/08). PRESERVING MARRIAGE: BOREDOM (PART FOUR) By: Dr. Michael Osit Thomas Vazzano, Optician License #TD3030 Dr. Anjali Govil, OD License #270A00614600 Dr. Scott Rufolo, OD License #270A00503202 Store Hours Monday-Wednesday 9am - 6pm Thursday 10am - 5pm Friday 9am-5pm • Sat 9am-2pm 908.464.1292 • Fax: 908.464.8092 35 South Street New Providence, NJ 07974 www.townevisioncenter.com with single vision lenses (Maui Jim & Oakley Brands Excluded) $75 Off any frame with progressive lenses (Maui Jim & Oakley Brands Excluded) $100 Off any frame Newly Renovated EXAMS • EYEWARE • CONTACT LENSES Full Service Lab On-Site