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www.theconnectionsnj.com
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Health and Wellness
Specializing in Prosthodontics
Including Cosmetic, Restorative & Implant Dentistry
Laminates • Crowns
Bridges • Whitening
Dentures
Metal Free Restorations
THE SIMPLEWAYTOA
PERFECT SMILE
Replace Missing Teeth - BEAUTIFULLY
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Martinsville
George T. Favetta Jr., D.M.D.
NJ Specialty Permit No. 3543
PRESERVING MARRIAGE: COMMUNICATION (PART ONE) By: Dr. Michael Osit Are you getting married or are recently married? Have you been married for years and want to decrease the probabil- ity of getting divorced? The divorce rate in the United States remains at 50%, and is even higher for second marriages. If you are engaged and want to try to pre- vent divorce, research indicates that there are lower divorce rates among cou- ples who discussed three specific sub- jects prior to marriage: financial philoso- phy and planning; children (if you want them, how many, and parenting styles); and religious affiliation. The top four reasons existing marriages most commonly end are 1) communica- tion difficulties, 2) financial stresses, 3) parenting conflicts, and 4) boredom. Beginning with communication, this is the first part of a four-part series address- ing these common marital issues. The subsequent installments will address dealing with financial stresses, parenting conflicts, and boredom. Communication For couples, communication is the “glue” of the relationship. It forms, maintains, and feeds the relationship enabling that special feeling of connec- tion that is different from all your other relationships. Couples generally fall into one of three problematic communication categories. They are either sparse com- municators, poor communicators, or a combination of both. Sparse communi- cators hardly talk at all about their feel- ings and the relationship. They may talk a lot about tasks and the necessary infor- mation needed to run their lives, but that won’t enhance the emotional connec- tion that a loving relationship needs. Poor communicators are often very good at expressing their feelings, usually anger, but conflict resolution is ham- pered by inappropriate expression of those feelings and an overuse of defense mechanisms to deal with conflicts. Cou- ples who experience both tend to vacil- late between a lack of communication and ineffective communication. Many couples I work with recall that when they were dating, they would talk for hours about everything from their jobs to how they feel about each other. Then, life and the complexities of normal stresses and children make those 3-hour telephone calls impractical, and the relationship begins to go stale. Sometimes, couples need to learn or revisit some fundamen- tal skills to be able to communicate in a way that facilitates a loving, caring rela- tionship. These skills are also helpful in day to day conflict resolution so that hos- tile feelings don’t pervade your relation- ship. The following do’s and don’ts are some simple suggestions to improve your communication. Don’ts • Don’t use sarcasm as it has an under- lying edge of anger. • Don’t use an elevated tone of voice when responding to a conflict. Your partner will only respond to your anger, not your words. • Don’t only respond to your partner’s verbal statement. Look beyond it or you will miss the real issue. • Don’t be defensive or have excuses for your actions. This will only intensify your partner’s anger and upset feelings. Do’s • Do use a skill called reflective listening with your partner. Reflective listening identifies the feeling that drives the words. Using reflective listening as a response to, “Why are you late?” would be, “You sound angry. I know it’s a long day with the kids. Let me take over.” Reflecting the feeling and identifying the real issue will be far more effective than responding to the “late” issue. Real issues are often hid- den in communication and not expressed directly. • Do attend to the nonverbal message as much as the expressed words. Tone of voice, volume, facial expres- sion, and body language tell the real story and will facilitate effective communication. • Do take ownership for your mistakes. • Do regularly discuss your relationship and share your feelings and thoughts about your life together so that you remain on the same page through the course of your relationship. Communication is complex and occurs on many levels. Since many messages are hidden or disguised, you will need to attend to the “do’s” and try to avoid the “don’ts.” Effective communication main- tains and massages your relationship in the most positive ways. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psychologist practicing in Warren, and author of Generation Text:Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (07/08) and The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Practical Guide to Freedom, Self-Fulfillment, and Happiness (09/16)Reduce Pain & Stress
•Pains/Aches/
Numbness
•Allergies /Asthma
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Problems
•PMS/Menopause
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Circulatory
Problems
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Fatigue from Chemo
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Restore Harmony & Balance
United Acupuncture
Health Center
MOST MAJOR INSURANCES ACCEPTED
NJ Office:
Crosspointe, 27 Mountain Blvd. • Suite 8 • Warren
908-756-1538
Hours: Mon.-Fri.: 10am-7pm; Sat.: 9am-1pm
Peter Ng, LAc, NY, CA, NJ
NCCAOM Board Certified; On Faculty of Eastern School of Acupuncture
Xin Zheng, LAc, NY, CA, NJ
NCCAOM Board Certified; On Faculty of Eastern School of Acupuncture;
On Faculty of Pacific College of Oriental Medicine