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A Great Man By: Ellyn Mantell It is so sad to say, but once again, I have attended the funeral of a dear friend...a special guy, lost to us way too soon. Having spoken with his wife the night before, she asking him a question I asked of her, hearing his voice, not having the vaguest notion that would be the last time I heard it, and the next morning...well, he was gone! And that was that...we lost a friend, she lost her partner, best friend in life, college sweetheart, father of her children, grandfather of her grandchildren. Life changed profoundly for all of them, and for me, it changed, as well. It was the loss of one of a group, six of us who make plans to continue to be in each other’s lives, sharing more than three decades. There were many eulogies for Steve. Sons Ken and Mike spoke of what a GREAT MAN their father was. And wouldn’t we all love to be thought of as a GREAT to our children? I nodded at some of the examples of his “greatness,” but to be truthful with you, I never knew so many of the others they referenced. I had no idea that Steve was an amazing role model for young boys whose fathers were unable to coach or attend Little League games. I had no idea that he was the first to welcome all the kids in the neighborhood into his home. I had no idea that even as a grandfather, his grandson’s friends knew who he was because he would know every one of their names, as if they were as important to him, as they actually were. No, in reality, I knew Steve as a fun guy, great sense of humor, someone who had similar values and beliefs as we. I knew Steve as a man who truly loved and adored his parents and all his relatives, caring for the aging ones beyond what many would. It wasn't that I knew Steve superficially at all...we shared many good, and sad times. But I didn't think about the impact he would have on so many, and that is, I assume, what makes one A GREAT MAN/WOMAN! Society seems to name the GREATS as those who have reached a superior status in whatever their area of accomplishment. The GREATS leave a legacy that is writ- ten in lofty prose in the New York Times. They are the ones who have achieved recognition in the form of financial, spiritual, athletic, theatrical, etc. They are hal- lowed and revered throughout their lives, those interfacing with them never ques- tioning their greatness. But what about all of us who are Steves...mere mortals who just live our lives doing the very best we know to do? Germinating in my mind as I sat at Steve’s funeral was the reality that he would never have thought of himself as a GREAT MAN. No, the Steve I knew and loved would have blushed at such words. And yet, my husband, and so many other men would agree that he will be so surely missed and thought about many, many times. They will miss the guy who always had something comical to add to the dis- cussion. And they will miss the guy who knew and loved sports, and celebrated athletic achievements. They will miss the guy who quietly pulled his phone from his pocket to show pictures of his three grandsons. So is that actually not great- ness? And his family...will their lives ever be the same, without the paternal head of the family? Will his sons, their wives and grandchildren ever celebrate holidays together and not miss their Steve? So is greatness the legacy we leave or the life we lead? Perhaps a little, or a lot, of both. I believe that it is through those we love, and who love us in return, those who know us with our weaknesses and our strengths, those who embrace us from near or far, who count on us in good times or bad, who know we will be there to dance with joy or wipe away a tear...those are truly the GREATS in our lives. And if I am to take away anything from the loss of our friend, it is to freely share with someone how special I think they are, how meaningful they are to me, and how they have enriched my life! In the end, if that is what is thought of me, I will be proud...that will be quite a wonderful legacy.908-464-6222
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