10 / 60
PAGE 10
THE BRIDGEWATER-SOMERVILLE CONNECTION
FEB/MARCH 2018
@WGBBridgewater 908.595.WOOF (9663) 732 US-202, Suite 130, Bridgewater, NJ 08807 Open 7 Days a Week W F GANG BAKERY & GROOMING Bridgewater’s Neighborhood Pet Store Offer expires 3/31/18. Excludes grooming services. Only valid at Woof Gang Bakery & Grooming Bridgewater location. Cannot be combined with any other offers, coupons, manufacturer coupons or loyalty programs Discover a world of wonder and excitement when you journey into the Planetarium at Raritan Valley Community College www.raritanval.edu/planetarium Star Shows Laser Concerts Field Trips Observatory For information 908-231-8805 See Website for Details Art-4-All School of Fine Art • Classes Year Round • Painting • Sculpture • Drawing • Children and Adult Classes Available • Start Anytime 908-725-4490 Barbara Gerson MA Fine Art Education Old York School 580 Old York Rd. Branchburg Theatrical Corner 572 Allen Rd. Basking Ridge I was recently talking to a friend “Ava” about her divorce experience. I often encounter prospective clients that, despite being in my office to inquire about divorce, don’t seem ready to move for- ward with a divorce. I find this perplexing when they are so certain about the misery of their marriage yet won’t do anything to remove themselves from the situation. I wonder: what holds them back? I spoke to my friend about this. She said that she spent many years unhappy in her marriage and even though she had no hope that it would ever get better, it was just easier to stay. Since she is presently divorced, I knew that this must have changed for her at some point. What was the magical moment when she finally decided it was time? She said, “I had just had enough.” Ava had a lot of “reasons” not to get divorced. Possibly reasons you can identi- fy with: she had children and was worried about disappointing them, she was not the breadwinner and she was worried about supporting herself, she was worried about disappointing people, she was afraid she would be ostracized in her social circles. But didn’t all of those con- cerns still exist when she finally made the decision to leave? Yes, they did. So what was different? She had an A-ha moment at which her life became divided in two: there was everything before and every- thing after. For Ava, it was sitting in her therapist’s office talking about her unhappiness and the counselor saying, “you saw me 7 years ago and told me all of the same things then that you are telling me now.” This really resonated with Ava. None of the reasons to stay were new. What was new was Ava. She simply wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. It was time. She didn’t want to be talking about the same things 7 years from now. Ava knew that the circumstances of her leaving would never be perfect. She adjusted her circumstances just enough so that she had a landing spot. Here’s what she did, which may work for you too: 1. She made sure she had bank accounts set up in her name. She needed to have an account her husband couldn’t access. 2. She moved money around. She had to have money easily accessible. 3. She saved money. She needed a “rainy day” fund. 4. She kept a divorce journal. Important dates and events that were relevant to the divorce. 5. She got papers together. Bank account statements, tax returns, etc. 6. She turned the “we” into “me” wher- ever possible. You’re not playing on the same team anymore. 7. She accepted that life would be differ- ent. She came to terms with the end of the marriage. 8. She owned her decision. Once she decided to leave, there was nothing that was going to hold her back. When you have your A-ha moment, we can help you formulate your plan. You’re not in this alone. 120 Wood Avenue South, Suite 602 Iselin, NJ 08830 732.529.6937 www.CentralJerseyFamilyLaw.com THE KEY TO LEAVING: FINDING YOUR A-HA MOMENT By: Christina Previte, Esq. www.theconnectionsnj.com