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www.theconnectionsnj.com
Douglas Haymaker, Ph.D
Stephanie Haymaker, Ph.D
Happy new (school) year! Warm summer
days are drawing to a close. It’s time for
new classes and teachers, new activities,
and planning new family events. It can
be a hectic time. The challenge and
temptation to “do it all” will be hard to
resist.
Over the years, we have seen families
approach the new school year in differ-
ent ways. Every family is unique. Some
families thrive in circumstances that
other families could not tolerate for a
day. But we also have observed some
characteristics that differentiate “healthy
families” from troubled ones. We define
healthy families as families whose mem-
bers function well in school and in rela-
tionships. Family members like and
respect each other. Healthy families com-
municate with each other in productive
ways. Here are some ways to improve
your family’s functioning.
Healthy families get enough sleep. The
importance of good sleep cannot be
over-stated. How much is enough?
While it varies somewhat for people, it
does not vary as much as people think.
Most children need nine hours of sleep in
a night - many kids/teens think they need
seven. This also means that if your child
is getting up at 6:30 am to go to school,
s/he should be asleep at 9:30pm.
Sleep is a fascinating process. It gives the
body a time to remove toxins. Sleep gives
the brain time to do neural housekeep-
ing. Sleep consolidates memories of
things learned during the day. Sleep is
necessary to form the neural connections
associated with learning.
Sleep also performs a mental health
function. People who are sleep-deprived
show symptoms that are identical to
symptoms of Attention Deficit/Hyperac-
tivity Disorder. Sleep difficulties are asso-
ciated with depression and anxiety (in
adults as well as children). Sleep difficul-
ties are associated with later-life behav-
ioral problems in pre-teens and adoles-
cents. Setting a regular bedtime, enforc-
ing it, and removing electronics at night
all are excellent ways to help your child
(and yourself).
Having trouble wrestling the iPhone from
your child’s hand? There are programs
available (we recommend Circle with Dis-
ney) that will switch off wi-fi at selected
times. Through a simple mobile app, par-
ents can filter content and time limits for
every device in their home network.
Healthy families eat together. Research
shows a clear connection between din-
ner and family functioning. Families that
had dinner together at least three times
a week had fewer problems than families
that had dinner together only once a
week (or less). Moreover, families that
had dinner together five days a week or
more had fewer problems still. They had
better communication and children with
fewer behavior problems than the three-
day-a-week dinner families.
Sometimes, families that start to have
dinner together more often may not
know what to talk about. Go around the
table, ask each person to tell something
good that happened that day, and some-
thing they’re looking forward to. Keep
the conversation pleasant and not criti-
cal, make sure everyone gets a turn. You
may be surprised at what you hear.
Healthy families lead balanced lives. This
means scheduling time for sports and
homework, time for family activities,
time for friends, and time for nothing at
all. A schedule provides structure and
limits procrastination. If 4:30 to 5:30 is
homework time, then there is less
chance of putting it off. The decision
“when to do homework” has already
been made.
Nothing-at-all time is particularly impor-
tant. Amazing things happen when elec-
tronics are put away for a while. The
mind drifts, thoughts come together in
creative ways, plans get made and inten-
tions are set. In a world of constant stim-
ulation, having a period of time when
children (and adults) can just be, is cru-
cial. Much like the benefits of sleep, peri-
ods of quiet reflection have therapeutic
benefits. Over scheduling is the enemy of
reflection.
These suggestions can be hard to put in
place. Children (and adults) are often
over scheduled. Time to connect with
each other may be neglected, or done
hastily during a ride to school.
Pick one thing to focus on - sleep is a
good place to start. Work slowly and
work together. A family meeting is a
great place to announce a few changes
to make the new (school) year better
than ever. If you and your family are so
busy that you don’t have time for sleep,
for eating together or for time to do
nothing at all, you may be doing too
much!
HAPPY NEW
(SCHOOL) YEAR
Haymaker & Haymaker
Psychological Services, LLC
AD/HD, Anxiety, Depression,
Eating Disorders,
Marriage and Family,
Underachievement
Problems in Relationships
Providing care for adults, families, children
and adolescents for over 20 years.
Stephanie Haymaker, Ph.D.
NJ Lic Psychologist, SI 2794
Douglas Haymaker, Ph.D.
NJ Lic Psychologist, SI 2793
For More Information, Please Call or
See our Websites:
www.DrStephanieHaymaker.com
NJ Psychologist Lic 2794
www.DrDougHaymaker.com
NJ Psychologist Lic 2793
245 Route 22, Suite 305, Bridgewater, NJ
908-429-9300
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Health and Wellness
PAGE 63