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% ! """$# $ HURRY UP, TAKE YOUR TIME MIXED MESSAGES TO KIDS By: Dr. Michael Osit When I was in middle school, every morning, without fail, as I climbed up the school bus steps, “Old Al”, the bus driver would say, “Hurry up…take your time.” He would repeat it until all of us were boarded, go on to the next stop and chime it to the next group of kids. “Hurry up…take your time.” Al clearly gave us a mixed message. His feeble attempt at humor was at best, confusing. As an observer of our culture, I see a myriad of mixed messages subtly embedded but clearly expressed to our youth by parents and society. Mixed messages cause conflict, stress, anxiety, and even depression in children and adolescents. They aren’t always obvious, but here are some examples of mixed, conflicting messages our kids receive from parents and society. There is another entire set of mixed messages wherever our kids turn. We try to educate protect, and warn our kids about the perils of engaging in sexual acts before they are ready. We attempt to shield them from nudity, sexu- al language, and sexual content. Yet, look around. Really look around, because our moral compass has become so desensitized by the bombardment of sexual messages and content that it doesn’t even register. Watch TV shows and commercials with a critical eye, to determine if the social, sexual, or moral content is consistent with the messages you are trying to instill in your children. Open any magazine, from People to Redbook to New Jersey and browse through the advertise- ments with a critical eye. Find the January 2014 issue of New York Magazine and take a look at the advertisements. These are main- stream magazines that are easily accessible to kids. Look at billboards and you will see sex- ual content as you are riding in your car. And then there is the Internet… As a parent, what do you do? First, take a step back to look at your own life and the way you are conducting it. Identify the mixed messages you are sending your kids. Also, make sure you are modeling social and digital behavior that is consistent with what you expect from your kids. With regard to the sex- ually explicit culture we live in – use it to help your kids make decisions about sex and their bodies. You can’t keep them in a bubble but you can use the material, even if it is extem- poraneous. Instead of passively doing or say- ing nothing, ask them about what they just saw. Ask their opinion about it. Educate them about it so they get accurate information. Ask them what they think about it and have them make their own moral judgment about it. Ask them if they have any questions about what they just saw. But don’t ignore it because it becomes “normalized” and okay. Today’s par- ents must either tell their kids to “hurry up” or “take your time” but not both. Dr. Osit is a psychologist in Warren and author of “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything.” Questions and comments are welcome at Dr.Michael.Osit@gmail.com. Hurry Up… Take Your Time Be independent, self sufficient We over help with tutors, athletic trainers, specialty classes, checking Power School, constantly emailing teachers Work hard and use good Answers, solutions to problems, and information problem solving strategies is an Internet key stroke away from instantaneously obtaining solutions by searching, not problem solving Don’t overuse technology Parents are attached to and constantly use their mobile phones, tablets, TV, computers, social networking, and work emails Respect others Parents disrespect the supermarket cashier, waitress, grandparents, friends, or even spouse Be first Everybody gets a trophy Be yourself Material possessions and privileges are given to kids at younger and younger ages simply because their friends are receiving them. Try your best Get “A’s” Use electronics appropriately Parents text while driving, view porn sites, and post inappropriately on Facebook Don’t use drugs or alcohol Parents drink and smoke marijuana with their kids, or allow them to drink and smoke in their home Obey rules and laws Parents talk on phone while driving without Bluetooth, text while driving, buy movie tickets for their underage kids for “R” rated movies